Murphy's Laws of RO

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FNG / Fresh Meat
Aug 26, 2008
Murphy's Laws of Red Orchestra

- The capzone you are in will be capped by your team immediately upon your death.
- Your death in the above scenario will inevitably be due to a TK.
- A bolt-rifle hipshot will miss if you have 1 round left, hit otherwise.
- The enemy will attack en masse as soon as you start reloading your MG.
- The probabilty that your APC/halftrack/potato truck will be fausted increases in proportion to the number of riders in it.
- As soon as you pick up a sniper rifle, you will die.
- Any weapon on the ground that you want will disappear as soon as you get to it.



FNG / Fresh Meat
Apr 3, 2008
-When you 1 shot kill a fully crewed Tiger, it will have already fired before its death and will inturn kill you, resulting in your recorded "suicide".
-When you open your serverlist in any of the mods you will be excited when you see 20 players in the server, then disappointed when they are all bots.
-You take 3 minutes to crawl into a good spot with the ptrd on Leningrad, get one shot off, and are immediately HE'd or sniped.
-You finally get a good shot off with a bolt against a sniper or mg, however a simultanious kill occurs resulting in your death.
-An IS2 finally spawns on Arad only for some noob to jump in the tank with you and drive you to a quick death.
-Finally, you call in arty on Konigs (or really any map) then your team decides to get a cap and the arty falls right on your own troops.
-Once you throw a perfect grenade in a window at Danzig Remix Ammo Cache, your sniper finally decides to take him out before the nade exploads.


FNG / Fresh Meat
Oct 22, 2007
The likely hood you need a bayonet is in inverse proportion to having it fitted.
Crawling invites bayonetting
Handgrenades are never shot out of your hand.
The perfectly thrown handgrenade never explodes, only the ones near teammates.
The pesky Axis sniper you finally shoot across the river in Danzig is always your team mate who made it over the bridge thru the door up the stairs and who just picked up the enemy weapon.


FNG / Fresh Meat
Jan 9, 2007
hehe..true true...i think there was a similat topic a while ago..ah what the heck.

- if you really,really REALLY need ammo, noone is willing to give you any. ( and 2 minutes before they drowned you in ammo )

- if you clear out a a capzone alone and call for help, you most likely get TKnaded


FNG / Fresh Meat
Jan 1, 2009
after watching a corridor for 5 minutes with a rifle.. you get impatient and walk in only to have an smg guy around the corner just as he is turning.


FNG / Fresh Meat
Feb 15, 2008
If you only need one person to cap and win the map there will be at least 5 standing one foot the cap and never go in.

If you sneak behind enemy lines and are about to slaughter the defenses you will be tk'ed before you get a single kill.

If you throw a nade at a group of enemies it will kill the one friendly who just showed up.

The greatest shot you will ever make will be a friendly.

You can drive your tank to the middle of nowhere and run over 3 friendlies.

When you absolutely need a tank right now, it will be driving into a minefield.

When you absolutely need a SL he will be afk.

Your perfect arty coordinates are always directly on top of a spawn. Usually your own.

When everyone agrees to work together, they go to the wrong capzone.

If you need smoke on the left, it will be thrown on the right.

Sidus Preclarum

FNG / Fresh Meat
Oct 30, 2006
Civitas Osismorum
On stalingrad, 90% of soviet players will either camp systematically on the wrong side of the street or 1 meter behind the capzone's rear limit.
"The greatest shot you will ever make will be a friendly."
ah, so true, my most incredible hipshot was a tk... :/

Colt .45 killer

Grizzled Veteran
May 19, 2006
the more time spent behind enemy lines, chance of being tk'd goes up.
The better you get, the more you get tked.
The round will end 1-3 seconds before you cap the last point.
Teamates will inevitably grenade the cap that was clear and tk their teamates, occasionally the enemy team then goes on to hold that cap till the end of the game.
if and when the sniper uses voip it will always be a young squeeky voice.
Everyone who uses a bolt action rifle and loves it, is over 18, needs a girlfriend, and help:D
(Tanks) the furter you get behind enemy lines, the higher your chance of being teamkilled.


FNG / Fresh Meat
Apr 3, 2008
this came from our clan site....kinda goes with this topic.

"Thou shalt not hold apartments in Odessa as the Germanics because of the greatness of the Square and all its Glory, for Odessa shall be lost without all angles attending to the sacred square."


"The path that leads to the capture of the sacred Petrol Yard will lead to a victorious German army on Krasnyi. He who goes down the path towards Central Yard is but a noob in the eyes of the Lord."


According to the Book of St. Ostfront 19:41-45.

That concludes the lesson for the day.



Grizzled Veteran
May 4, 2006
UnrealEd: Viewport #1
-Random artillery... isn't

Love this one.

-If you pick MG role, you WILL get killed by the enemy, it is your destiny.
-If you pick Sniper , you WILL get tked.
-If you pick SMG, you will tk.
-If you pick Combat Eng, You will explode
-If you think about a plan, it will fail, just do , no think.
-If you run into a room full of soldiers, you will not have any grenades.
-If you get in a bayo fight after being out drinking, there is a 76.231% chance you forgot to equip bayo.
-The most dangerous player to you on the battlefield is not the enemy vet, but the random noob on your team.
-A perfect plan is not perfect because every plan has mistakes and mistakes are not perfect.

-The best plan is to do the unexpected, but the enemy would expect you to do the unexpected so doing the unexpected is not really doing the unexpected but doing the expected.


FNG / Fresh Meat
Sep 7, 2007
If you move your tank on Konigsplatz after being stationary for longer than 1 minute, you will kill at least 1 friendly infantry. I have come to the conclusion that players on this map are in fact barnacles :rolleyes:


FNG / Fresh Meat
Jun 7, 2007
Everyone who uses a bolt action rifle and loves it, is over 18, needs a girlfriend, and help:D

Ha ha, painfully true... :D


- When you finally let your guard down after carefully clearing 20 empty rooms and run into yet another one, there will be three noob enemy assault troopers camping and they shoot you down with ease.
- You've taken your time to carefully approach the objective and just as you are finally ready to destroy it with a satchel a bullet comes out of nowhere and kills you.
- Just when you are close enough to stab some stupid SMG camper in the back he decides to turn around and shoots you.
- You've finally found the right elevation to take a perfect long range shot with a sniper rifle in Berezina, but when you shoot the irritating MG gunner a friendly pops out in between and you TK him ... after this a friendly tank drives over the bush where you are hiding and kills you ... and when you spawn and run in the same place ready to give them hell the enemy position is capped and you have a 5 minute walk ahead of you to reach the next objective.
- You are defending a position with semiauto rifle, you have taken a couple of shots and finaly decide to change the mag since nothing seems to be happening, and just then enemy soldier comes out and shoots you in the face while you can't do a thing.
- In Arad you finally get your puny PzIV out of spawn camp hell in one piece and get into good position ... but all the spawn camping enemy tanks are angled so that there's no point even shooting at them ... you try to relocate and then you get fausted by a random infantry dude that has been camping in a ditch for 5 minutes hoping someone would drive close


FNG / Fresh Meat
Jun 11, 2008
You can always count on teammates being reliable...

As Allies in Danzig:

With one minute or so left on the clock, its always the guys who spent all round hiding across the river that comes out of their shell and start killing people, making you wonder why they didn't do so for the past 10-15 minutes

As Axis in Danzig:

With 30 seconds left on the clock, its always the guys who spent all round hiding in the Restaurant that finally leave it... to explore the back route to the Command Center as the Allies capture the Langermarkt


FNG / Fresh Meat
Nov 22, 2005
if there is one enemy in front of you, you will hit him. if there are 5 directly beside each other, you will hit none of them


FNG / Fresh Meat
Apr 25, 2008
your Axis teammates are color blind while playing Blackdayjuly, the destroyed static meshes and German T34's never saw it coming