If you like to play competetive.
For cs/mohaa/cod alike gameplay (search and destroy) but with the ability to kill someone with 1 bullet checkout the clans playing in the eastern front operations. (swat style gameplay aka 1 life): Fun if youre heavily into roleplaying, lots of ranks to gain here and you play one side only, and if you want to play to eliminate the enemy mainly.
http://www.easternfrontoperations.org/
For competetive ro gameplay checkout the clans playing in the ro:ladder. Normal ro gameplay this means no swat style gameplay but it does mean a lack of fear of death. Fun if you're heavily into tactics concerning getting objectives done instead of killing all opposing forces. You play both sides usually without ranks or roleplaying. Basically this is for the people that want to play the game with more teamplay and tactics and with people you know.
www.roladder.net
and finally.
IronCrescendo. Here you play on either the allied or axis side. With rankings aswell. But without swat styled gameplay because respawns are left in. They got special mutators where the commanding staff can buy weaponry etc for the next maps. Kinda like a big roleplaying world were you are either allied or axis instead of part of a Unit or Clan. This is mainly if you like large scaled battles and in the end getting a real group feeling with your team and hate against the other team. Probably the best for simulating war.
http://www.ironcrescendo.net/
In the end.
Do you want the use of real tactics to get objectives done or Play swat alike till all enemies are killed?
Do you think simulating the mass of people in the war is the most important for you or the fear of death.
Do you want to play with a small group that you learn to know to the fullest and become friends with. Or be part of a big community that fights against a shared cause.
How important do you think it is to play on filled servers?
Do you want a good group of friends or a ranked clan/unit structure.
Etc
About all clans are recruiting including mine (although were euro based). But i thought to give you a summary of the options if you like competetive gameplay. If you dont like to play against other clans there are plenty of realism units you can still choose from.
Ironcrescendo is only on weekends, its not clanbased or anything i think for your situation it might be the best to try out for a bit
. Although it aint my kind of game. I have fun with both efo and roladder. But ironcrescendo will give you the biggest feeling of being in a war i guess if thats what you're after.