Killing Floor Jokes

[Colt .45 killer]

What did Ramm's wife say when he brought home a book on sexual positions?

Who do you think you are, bleeding action man?

10 minutes later "get out **** fer brains!", along with repeatedely saying "I WANT DRUGS, NAOW!"

 

[Steg]

To my knowledge, "ZED" doesn't actually mean anything. It was made up to fill in the role of giving the slow motion a name: "ZED time".

Zed (or Z) is the twenty-sixth and final letter of the basic modern Latin alphabet. In the US it is pronounced "Zee"

 

[cheesecake]

I'm surprised I haven't seen these comic strips posted on the official forum...

Killing Flesh Pounds

Killing Scrakes

They come from this thread on the Steam forums.
(*collective gasp* A steam thread with value?!)

Sure the English is a little iffy, and perhaps these suggestions will be irrelevant after a balancing patch, but there's a lot of love, fidelity to the source material, and a hint of comedy as well.

 

[-[SiN]-bswearer]

wow those two comic strips from the steam forums were quite good!

maybe not the funniest humor, but still a nice find

 

[Sambopukka]

All ur jokes r belong to us

 

[Marls]

How many Sirens does it take to change a light bulb ?

 

[nath2009uk]

How many Sirens does it take to change a light bulb ?

"She could break glass with that scream"

So, uhm, it's impossible.

 

[timur]

What did DJ say when....

What did DJ say when....

What does DJ Scully say everytime he hears a Britney Spears song?

"Shut that ***** up, shes making my head spin!"


Also, if you want humor while playing KF, simply listen to the comments made by the characters.Or simply listen to the patriarchs voice, or the trader's comments (seriously, did they TRY to make all her comments inuendo?)

 

[Riviet]

"It's the final match between the Survivors and the Patriarch! After surviving through ten waves of specimen attacks, who will the the final winner of this apocalyptic battle? Will it be this ragtag group of battle weary humans?"

[Boos from the Survivors]

"Or, will it be the horrible, frightening, very angry Patriarch?"

[ROAR from the Patriarch]

"We shall see, because the final match begins in just 3! 2! 1!"

"One in the pipe!"

[Rocket whooshes through the air and explodes]

[Screams of the survivors]

"WHOA! Folks, the round has just started and all but one Suvivor is left! And it's only a level....ZERO! Well people, looks like this round is now over! It's just going to be a matter of time before...wait..."

[Blasts of gunfire, grenades, and Patriarch curses]

[ZED time]

"Money money money!"

[Cash flies everywhere]

"Loadsa money!"

[More cash flies everywhere]

"Who wanted money?"

[Stunned silence...]

"Unbelievable! A level zero defeats the Patriarch on Suicidal difficulty! This is totally unprecedented!"

[Cheers from the dead spectating players]

You have survived!

[4char]

 

[BlazinAces]

Random follows.

• Patriarch saying: "Come my children, show them how much you love daddy".

Patriach needs arresting

Even better when he adds a little something to the end of that sentence:

• "Come my children, show them how much you love daddy, i'll show you, i'll show you all"

Patriarch needs arresting quicker for public display, but Briar seems to think the running away option is easier.

• Patriarch whilst going to the floor: "She said i would amount to nothing"

Yeah she wasn't far off there was she mate, you just got no lubed by six cockneys, thats a bad day for anyone.

• How players insult specimins, whilst running away from them, divine irony.

• How the trader talks about guns, its a little worrying.

• Also "I like the big ones" Is that a euphemism, does she want something other than money from DJ Scully

• How a Stalker uncloaks and says "Can you see me?" that's a scene that should go in Scary Movie, "can you see me, you can't can you?" "No Mr Scary Killer, i don't know where you are" just imagine a stalker hiding behind a curtain.

• How the Siren camly says "Whats going on" before trying to bite someone, how many people do you see in normal life say "Whats going on" before biting a random person, then again London is full of those kind of people, i was down there yesterday, in real life not Killing Floor, and there was a man clucking like a pigeon, you don't see that as a specimin in KF, the Clucker with his pecking attack(Tripwire are jotting down notes, "make the Clucker") It would be good to make the Clucker, a new insult could be "A Clucker more like A FAnyway...)

• How small stalkers actually are, it would seem the stalkers were made from dwarves, in which case they wouldn't need to be invisible in the first place.

• How Scrakes are Giants and wear hospital cloths and have chainsaws for arms, something tells me not to go to the hospital in London

• The last one: why do Fleshpounds have a rectangled mood ring attached to their chests, if they're sad does it go purple, if they're happy does it go blue, how about jealous, does it turn green because the Bloat has scored the Sirens phone number and he hasn't.

 

[No Glory]

Riviet, your puns are sweet!

 

[Undedd Jester]

"I'm cutting this one open!"

"Dude!? While the door is welded shut!?"

 

[Sammers]

Not really a joke, but:
I find it hilarious when you fight the Patriarch and he says "YOU'VE MURDERED MY CHILDREN!" just before sending more of them at you to die.....

 

[gusone]

A siren and a stalker are having a bath. The siren says "Where's the soap" ... the stalker replies "yes it does doesn't it"

 

[cooldudenot]

This is epic, keep more jokes coming pls!

KTHXBAI

 

[trilance]

Zed (or Z) is the twenty-sixth and final letter of the basic modern Latin alphabet. In the US it is pronounced "Zee"

Say what? Z-time? *drop head on table*

Tripwire (probably never get an answer to this, but...), who came up with that?

Thanks for the revelation Steg. It was most...enlightening.

 

[CandleJack]

I have a good joke for you guys.













Scrakes.

 

[SMIFF]

i have a good joke for you guys.













Scrakes. :d

lol.