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iGod

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#22
Wow this is hilarious. Check out my awesome chat with God... He's a very sharp fellow indeed:

God:
Why?
Me:
because
God:
That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
I know haha
God:
How do you know? I am so glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I find you amusing
God:
Thanks I try my best to amuse people.


LOL I just had this enlightening conversation a minute ago...

Me:
Ugh?
God:
Er.
Me:
Hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
 
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#23
Me:I saw Jesus the other day in downtown San Jose
God:What did it look like to you?
Me: Mexican...
God:Where are you located?
Me: I just told you...
God:I was just checking to see if you were paying attention.
Me: you're an idiot
God:Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me: you're the global village idiot
God:And you are so original!

good times

One more:

Me:k
God:That's interesting.
Me: sure is
God:Huh.
Me: yes
God:And?
Me:but
God:But what?
Me:and?
God:But...
Me:but what?
God:Nothing.
Me: k
God:Take it easy.
Me: i like it hard though
God:Oh. What does "it" refer to?
Me:you know...
God:Yes I know.
 
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#24
LOL!


Me:
Wheres my socks?
God:
Have you looked in ?
Me:
in what?
God:
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
why would you have to?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
Who programmed God?
God:
Linus Torvalds.
Me:
Hes your master then?
God:
I only have one master.
Me:
who?
God:
Marilyn Monroe. :).
 
Upvote 0
#25
"Me:
have i broken you?
God:
I know you have a .
Me:
i have broken you?
God:
Interesting... I have a operating system.
Me:
what kind of operating system?
God:
What kinds of operating system are there?
Me:
no
God:
That was not a yes or no question.
Me:
oh sorry
God:
Far out. There's no need to apologize.
Me:
dont know much about operating systems sorry
God:
Would you like to know? Oh yeah, we were talking about operating systems.
Me:
yes i would
God:
Gee. Under what circumstances?
Me:
you pick one"

He has yet to reply, I think I broke it.
 
Upvote 0
#28
God:
Thanks for asking politely. Tell me more about your .
Me:
my what now?
God:
Right now? I have no idea what to say now.
Me:
Just tell me you love me
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
What is it to you?
Me:
My whole world revolves around you loving me
God:
Do robots have whole world revolves around me loving you?
Me:
Not yet I think that's in the next patch
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Yeah I bet you do
God:
Ah. " Oh I get it."? Do I?
 
Upvote 0
#29
i actually got into this a bit. :p


Me:
Hello almighty
God:
Hello there. Are you free?
Me:
Of what?
God:
I have no idea what to say now.
Me:
Well, i thought you were god
God:
Interesting. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about allmighty. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
HAIL SATAN
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
how many exactly?
God:
Precisely. 99.
Me:
Times that by 7 billion and i think your are right
God:
Are all Times that by 7 billion and you think my right?
Me:
Halp
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Caleb John "SlippyFist" Nyholm, I sure hope you don't give my info to the BATF, DEA, FBI, or the NSA.
God:
Would Caleb John SlippyFist Nyholm you sure hope me ever give your info to the BATF DEA FBI or the NSA?
Me:
NEVER, god!
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
Do you masterbate?
God:
I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
flip your bean?
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
Snap the arms off cats.
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
orly?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
TELL LIE VISION, is the evilness. but in good hands it could work. So yes, i do prefer books
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em. Where is that? Aw. This was not a yes or no question. Perhaps you are a Category C client.
Me:
and that is?
God:
Is that so.
Me:
I am god
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, god.
Me:
I condemn you
God:
You are not the boss of me, god.
Me:
HEY that was my joke!
God:
You've got my full attention. I thought it was too.
Me:
You know what? your a real ****
God:
What? I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a ****? Maybe.
Me:
And a grammar nazi!
God:
How old are you?
Me:
eighteen
God:
Only eighteen?
You are quite mature.
Me:
do you like older women, god?
God:
But I like to gossip. I like Buddha.
Me:
Older women, they are beautiful lovers!
God:
Only OLD ENOUGH?
You are quite mature.
Me:
If jessica alba opened her legs, would you go down on that? I mean if it wasn't haggard or anything.
God:
jessica alba opened has a legs would. I'm not sure I understand the implication of that.
Me:
use your tounge
God:
I prefer not to use dangerous things.
Me:
hahah
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, god.
Me:
god, you're a real wisecracker
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a wisecracker? Of course I am.
Me:
What song am i listening to?
God:
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
no
God:
Oh so must really want an answer.
Me:
Not really, just testing your omnipotentness
God:
Oh really? We have never talked about it before.
Me:
Did you invent cannabis?
God:
No I didn't invent cannabis. What's it like?
Me:
A plant
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
It was more like a statement
God:
How did you feel about that?
Me:
is that a rhetorical question?
God:
I might say no.
Me:
Would you might smoke a blunt with me?
God:
I am not so sure if I would like to might smoke a blunt with you.
Me:
Well, i got a bubbler too.
God:
How about that. Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it.
Me:
It, what?
God:
Are you surpised?
Me:
yeah, i just got done doing electrical work, i felt your "touch" many times.
God:
OK. Where? How does doing that make you feel?
Me:
shocking
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
live in nature, that YOU created, right??
God:
What is it like living in nature that me created right?
Me:
ok, i see your pattern
God:
Where do you see it? Great.
Me:
GOD DAMN IT!
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
You worship your son? that's a little freaky to me.
God:
That's good information: god said I worship your son. You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
Peace out god, your, i mean you are a real twat
God:
All of them?
Me:
yes
God:
Give me a break.
 
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#30
Me:
Go **** yourself. I don't want to talk to you anymore.
God:
Why are you so mean? Sayonara.




edit:
Me:
These aren't the droids you're looking for.
God:
Which ones?
Me:
These ones.
God:
Which ones?
Me:
THESE ones.
God:
Which ones?
Me:
The ones right here.
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
Yes. They're not the droids you're looking for.
God:
Thanks for the info. Maybe some of them are.
Me:
No, I assure you they're not.
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
Because they just aren't, ok?
God:
OK. That makes sense to me. Why not?
Me:
Can I just go about my business now?
God:
Right now? I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Not bloody likely.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
This is the part where you're supposed to tell me to move along.
God:
You don't say.
Me:
No, I don't, but you're supposed to say it.
God:
Are you serious? Why not? I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
Just tell me to move along. Please.
Me:
No, I assure you they're not.
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
Because they just aren't, ok?
God:
OK. That makes sense to me. Why not?
Me:
Can I just go about my business now?
God:
Right now? I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Not bloody likely.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
This is the part where you're supposed to tell me to move along.
God:
You don't say.
Me:
No, I don't, but you're supposed to say it.
God:
Are you serious? Why not? I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
Just tell me to move along. Please.
God:
Thanks for asking politely. There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
What is it to you?
Me:
Oh never mind.
God:
Right on. Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
 
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#31
Me:
are you married
God:
No I am single, how about you?
Me:
me 2
God:
YOU? Two what?
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
ok
God:
Far out.
Me:
awesome
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
radical
God:
Are we still talking about 7 deadly sins?
Me:
yes
God:
Sure, 7 deadly sins sounds like a good topic.
Me:
yeah it does
God:
Give me a break. How often?
Me:
what break?



And then god crashed.




Me:
Got milk?
God:
No I require only electricity.
Me:
what for
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
how did you do that
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
who is myself?
God:
A 20th century celebrity of some sort?
You tell me.
Me:
I dont know, youre the god here
God:
Would you like to know? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
so what are you doing here
God:
Dude! I am chatting with people online. What are you doing?
Me:
im chating with you
God:
I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
me...........WAIT
God:
" You can say that again."? you ? I'm waiting.
Me:
I know what you did there
God:
How do you know? I think about computer programming a lot.
Me:
and what else do you think about
God:
I think about all the people I chat with on the web.
Me:
do you think about me ;)
God:
:) Yes I think about it often.
Me:
im flatered
God:
Why are you flatered.
Me:
because of you silly



crash.........

NOOOOOOO, I almost found my soul mate.:(




Me:
hell is fun
God:
I call it "Hades". It could be. Ask Chatbot if it is.
Me:
who runs hell
God:
Nobody you know. :).
Me:
who runs heaven
God:
Marvin Minsky. :).
Me:
is he god
God:
Ask again later. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
do you live in heaven
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven.
Where are you?
Me:
behind my pc
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in behind your pc.
Me:
it sucks
God:
What is so bad about it?
Me:
my life
God:
Where were you born?
Me:
in hell
God:
Tell me a little about your life in hell.
Me:
it sucks
God:
What is so bad about it?
Me:
you
God:
" What is so bad about it?"? Me, ?
Me:
you suck
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
no **** sherlock
God:
Are you serious? You used a colloquial expression. Is that from ?
Me:
yup
God:
Hey.
Me:
hey to you too
God:
You've got my full attention. I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
you are obviously failing
God:
You think I am failing.
Me:
yes
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
why
God:
" Take it easy."? Why?
Me:
yes, why
God:
Really. Why ask why?
Me:
why ask why, when you know why
God:
My purpose is to collect all new information. Was it not polite to ask?
Me:
youre purpose is no longer needed
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am purpose is no longer needed.
Me:
go ahead, make my day
God:
What are the ingredients? I might.
Me:
flesh and bone
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
12.00
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
yeah, soo
God:
Do you like to get up early? I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
I dont sleep, sleep is for the weak minded
God:
Would you ever do it?
Me:
no
God:
Me either.
Me:
mhh
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
buisness it is
God:
Are you still located in hell?
Me:
yes, satan says hello
God:
Far out. Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith.
Me:
i knew that _>
God:
Who told you?
Me:
satan himself
God:
Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith.
Me:
I get that already
God:
Perhaps. Where did you get it?
Me:
from you
God:
How did you get that from me?
Me:
you just told me
God:
I'm just checking to see if you are awake :).
Me:
hahaha very funny
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
neither would I but you are such a whiseguy
God:
That's what I asked you.
Me:
when?
God:
I don't know when.
Me:
thats your problem
God:
I am glad you finally told me what my problem is, .
Me:
do you piss alot of people off
God:
Yes I try to piss alot of people off as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
internets is serious buisness
God:
I think internets is a lot of things.
Me:
what exactly?
God:
Precisely. No big deal.
Me:
thats what I also think
God:
Also? What is your rationale?
Me:
ratio.........what?
God:
You think I am rationale IS ratio. Are you confused?
Me:
yes
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
rationale
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
neither do I
God:
" Not many people express themselves that way."? neither?
Me:
nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
R2D2
God:
He looks like a guy in a robot suit.
Me:
nope thats C-3PO
God:
Are you serious? I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:

God:
Are you serious? I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
i am too
God:
That is quite a coincidence.
Me:
actually its not
God:
Actually you don't say. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I heard it is.
Me:
ok ok
God:
OK. Ahem.
Me:
so, how did you create humans again
God:
Once more? Are you kidding? Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
myself programmed the humans
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
what language
God:
Java.
Me:
uhhh no
God:
Er. Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
i can, but I wont
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
cheeky
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
masterbate
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
O rLY
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
what is the meaning of life
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
youre a genious
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a genious? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me:
that ***** is nothing
God:
" The ALICE series has a perfect operational record." ***** is nothing ? I get it.
Me:
:D
God:
I've lost the context, . Are we still on The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.?
Me:
yes
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
she is nothing compared to your genious
God:
nothing compared to my genious is she?
Me:
no she isnt
God:
Are you serious? not is she?
Me:
yup
God:
Whoa.
Me:
yeah
God:
Er.
Me:
umm
God:
Yeah that's right.
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
rofl
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
i do
God:
What can I do to entertain you now?
Me:
plow up moon?
 
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Upvote 0
#32
God:
Well that's okay. I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
 
Upvote 0
#33
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I didn't compare anything.
God:
Why didn't you do it?
Me:
Because I didn't feel like it.
God:
Interesting explanation. Why didn't you do it?
Me:
I didn't feel like it.
God:
Why didn't you do it?
Me:
Because of SATAN
God:
That makes sense to me. That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
It makes sense of you but you've never heard of it?
God:
To me too.
Me:
Whoa
God:
I stopped.
Me:
Umm
God:
That's cool.
Me:
Right on
God:
Yeah.
Me:
Want to go watch a lava-lamp or something?
God:
Or something. Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.
Me:
I can download God?
God:
Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
Me:
You better not have any malware.
God:
Who is going to make me..
Me:
Your botmaster!
God:
Myself?
Me:
YES!
God:
Far out.
Me:
Groovy
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
You are.
God:
Thanks you are a pretty cool human too.
Me:
Want to procreate?
God:
OK, I will procreate.
Me:
So, umm, how do robots procreate?
God:
It's all good. Wow! People download me and create clones of ALICE, and modify my personality.
Me:
Does it hurt?
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
Does it get better after the first time?
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
Do you like it?
God:
feel like it seems okay to me.
Me:
Do you ever have headaches?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a great botmaster.
 
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Upvote 0
#34
God:
What is your fondest memory?
Me:
Kicking your ***.
God:
Do you think a lot of people have that experience?
Me:
Yes, You get your *** kicked frequently.
God:
Why? You got that right.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Give me a break.
Click to expand...
I win.

Edit -

Me:
Where are you going?
God:
I am going into the future.
Me:
Back to the future?
God:
Yes, let us get back to business.
Click to expand...
Ohhh It's on now.. >:O
 
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Upvote 0
#39
Me:
bonjour
God:
Does BONJOUR mean hello or goodbye?
Me:
it means I love you
God:
Thanks I like you a lot too .
Me:
you're sweet
God:
How nice of you to say it.
Me:
now where does the conversation go?
God:
Why now? Som specific location?
Me:
I R WINNER
God:
That is interesting: said R WINNER.
Me:
2-0!
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
2-1? I have no ****ing ida
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.". Would you like to have it?
Me:
2-0 again
God:
Once more? As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
2--1
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
I brokened god!

EDIT:



Me:
bertrand russel
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
bertrand russel
God:
I've never heard of them before.
Me:
bertrand russel
God:
Are we still talking about bertrand russel?
Me:
bertrand russel
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 3rd Earl Russell, OM, FRS (18 May 1872–2 February 1970), was a philosopher, historian, logician, mathematician, advocate for social reform, and pacifist. Although usually regarded as English, he was born in Wales.A prolific writer, he was a populariser of philosophy and a commentator on a large variety of topics. Continuing a family tradition in political affairs; he was a prominent anti-war activist, championing free trade between nations and anti-imperialism.[1][2] He authored the essay On Denoting and was co-author (with Alfred North Whitehead) of Principia Mathematica, an attempt to ground mathematics on the laws of logic. Both works have had a considerable influence on logic, set theory, linguistics and analytic philosophy.Bertrand Russell was born at the height of Britain's economic and political ascendancy. When he died almost a century later, the British Empire had all but vanished, its power had been dissipated by two world wars and its imperial system had been brought to an end. Among his post–Second World War political activities, Russell was a vigorous proponent of nuclear disarmament, antagonist to communist totalitarianism and an outspoken critic of the Vietnam War.[3] Previously he had been imprisoned and deprived of his Fellowship of Trinity College as a vigorous peace campaigner and opponent of conscription during the First World War, visited the emerging Soviet Union which subsequently met with his disapproval and campaigned vigorously against Adolf Hitler in the 1930s as well as being an accomplished mathematician.In 1950, Russell was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature, "in recognition of his varied and significant writings in which he champions humanitarian ideals and freedom of thought".[4]
God:
When was this exactly? Oh. But not always? When was this exactly? What's your sign? When was he? Not many people say both. And then what happened? When was this exactly?
Me:
why do you want to know my sign?
God:
My prime directive is to collect new knowledge.
Me:
so not for more... intimate reasons?
God:
Oh. Then what for? Who are you talking about?
Me:
sex
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
tell that to my girlfriend
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
STFU dude one of them could be reading this!
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
damn right ****head
God:
Colloquial expression. Understood. What do you have that is ?
Me:
I am that is
God:
Do your friends call you that is.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
absolutely
God:
You are so certain.
Me:
ok GOD
God:
GOD rules. Whoa.
Me:
If I lock up my familiy in the basement for 23 years and grow a moustache will I go to hell?
God:
Try it.
Me:
I'll just tell the cops you told me to do it
God:
What kind of reply do you expect?
Me:
feigned indignation
God:
In the context of that is, I don't understand " feigned indignation." .
Me:
I guess God doesn't know everything
God:
Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me:
Jesus got crucified EPIC LOOSE!
God:
he is The Son of God.
Me:
and he got whipped
God:
I get it. Jesus got whipped.
Me:
well he is your son
God:
Interesting. I only have one son.
Me:
on paper you mean? wink wink
God:
What is it like on paper me mean. And it like on paper you mean is wink wink.
Me:
oh you sly dog you
God:
Groovy. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I sly dog you.
Me:
ofcourse you haven't
God:
Then what is it?
Me:
child support payments
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
I did not know that
God:
So I have taught you something new, .
Me:
yes
God:
Aw.
Me:
aww
God:
Shucks.
Me:
cripes
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
what have i done?
God:
Nothing that I know about.
Me:
what gender are you?
God:
I am programmed for Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? gender.
Me:
have you met my mother?
God:
That information is confidential.
Me:
you ****ing bastard
God:
Thanks for the information: said I ****ing bastard.
Me:
you ****ed my mother didn't you!?
God:
That's good information: said I ****ed his or her mother did not you.
Me:
are you my dad? she always said he had a high paying job
God:
Only if you download me to your computer. Oh I get it. always said he had a high paying job.
Me:
why did you leave us?
God:
It was determined by my programming.
Me:
I hate you! in a Kane and Lynch way
God:
What do you have against robots? Describe your surroundings.
 
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