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How do I relationships?

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C_Gibby

Grizzled Veteran
Jan 18, 2010
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#1
If anyone wonders why I'm posting in here of all places, it's because here a good amount of people know what I'm like, and my other choices of places to talk about this in the company of those who are familiar with me have the subject of this post lurking around. Plus, posting on a forum generally gets lots of answers.

So a while ago in the anything thread, I mentioned that I was crushing on a close friend of mine and comtemplating asking them out.

And a few days ago, like a boss, I did, and it worked. :IS2:

Though this person is a girl. :eek: This is very new territory to me. Not only is she a she, but she is older than me. I'm still 17 (though not for too much longer), and she turns 20 in April. Eek.

So yeah, we've been friends for almost a year. We'd talk about everything, we'd confide in each other, we'd listen to one another, we'd have fun, and we also happen to share arseloads of common ground. She's told me things like how I mean a lot to her, how I'm different to almost all of the people she knows, I understand her, how I am actually interested in what she does, and all sorts of other lovely things.

And I think that I really like her. :eek: Thanks to the amount of time I've known her, I'm quite certain that I have no SHOCKING HORRIBLE THINGS to uncover that would scare me away or anything. I'm always looking forward every day to be able to go ahead and talk to her, and I get so arse-clenchingly tense and all fluffy inside when I am waiting to do so. I'm very certain that my feelings are genuine.

Again, this is strange ground for me, as I am more used to other dudes and not icky girls, who I stay away from because of their cooties an' ****. One thing that gets me is this wierd feeling of insecurity, like something bad is gonna happen (I dun wanna lose her) and I can't imagine why I'd be so scared like that, I can't even see a threat!
Supposedly this feeling is normal. I imagine she'd be feeling the same way as she has not had a boyfriend for like 4 years. For a starter, I want these unjustified bad feelings to be gone with and destroyed, and, well, I want to try and make this last. Because yeah.

So do tell me, my team of unlikely heroes, what the bloody hell do I do? How do I make this thing last?
 
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#2
Interesting post.

On my end, I am 28 (soon 29) and in relationship for 4 years...
Current record and I am confident she is the right one :)

First I will start by saying

WOW, your 17 ???

You are a senior active forum member, I read so many of your posts... I never would have put you at that age... I was thinking young spirited but far older...

So in short I am saying that you seem more mature.


To make things last is, do not change, be yourself (with minor exceptions) as you were as a friend prior to the relationship because she seems to like you for who you are.... or else there would not have been anything more then friendship.

The age difference might seem like something now, but it really isn't.
I am 6 years older than my girlfriend.

Most importantly, do not ever appear to be needy.
Be jalous but not too much.
A girlfriend is not a guy friend, so watch your guy humor because it can get you in trouble.

And for most girlfriends, they are the ones that matter most to you. Do not let her catch you peeking at another hotty, let it be pictures on facebook... so never ever talk about another girl.... thats a huge turn off.

Also if she isn't a virgin, things have to happen pretty soon ! Because girls want it as much if not more than men.
If you guys do it on a regular basis (2 - 3 times a week) ... you are safe for a long time.
If it's never been done, no pressure but hint the readyness.)

Out to bring your own wine restaurant, flowers, have 1 bottle each...
 
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#3
You've known her more than any of us. Just keep up the friendship you have, add in some sex and some special romantic moments and you should be good.

I treat my girlfriend like any of my other male friends and we've been in a great relationship for 3 and a half years.

The best objective advice I can give is to definitely not be needy. I don't understand these relationships where if one doesn't answer a text/phone call within 5 minutes someone gets mad/upset. You should both be able to enjoy your time apart without going nuts.
 
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#4
Oh dear, you've fallen in love...

First things first: age difference, this might seem like loads of difference (2years) at your young age.
Two years = absolutely nothing, throw it away, absolutely no consequence whatsoever in the grand plan.

"So yeah, we've been friends for almost a year. We'd talk about everything, we'd confide in each other, we'd listen to one another, we'd have fun, and we also happen to share arseloads of common ground. She's told me things like how I mean a lot to her, how I'm different to almost all of the people she knows, I understand her, how I am actually interested in what she does, and all sorts of other lovely things."
That sounds like a pretty good starting point.

So do you listen or like the same music/films, and all that...
I bet "yes".

I read also you use the word "last" (well, I want to try and make this last. Because yeah.)

Everything in your/my statement above points to a positive compilation.

Now the hard bit... Girls are girls, they have nothing to do with your relationships outside, with your mates or girls wiht cooties (wad-ya mean cooties, no cooties on me").

Girls, (men as well) want/need someone on who they can have confidence and complicity, this is essential to building something together (shut up he that pronounced the word nest).

Just be yourself, it seems that she likes you just the way you are, no need for radical changes, slight adjustments or accommodations come naturally, a question of give & take.

You know it anyways, you can see it in her eyes and she can see it in yours, there is no place to hide.

Tous les hommes deviennent les gar
 
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#5
Accept her flaws. I may be young as well, but seeing lots of parents (including mine) go through separation and my experience with my past relationships, that's one of the most important things I believe. Also trust her to no end (unless it gets broken, then that's a road I've never traveled and can't speak of the matter). I wouldn't worry about sex too much. It will happen when it's ready to.

P.S. The Podium is now ruined.
 
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#6
RIGHT.

Well thanks a ton for the advice so far guise, keep it coming! I'm keeping it all in mind.

Now, I'm a little worried about the "needy" part. I'm not even sure what counts as needy and she likely has a different perception of needy to you guys, I dunno. Now, yeah, we've been friends for lots of time and it's all been casual as you'd expect. Plenty of time seperated, and while we were excited to talk to one another again at times, neither of us seemed needy then.

HOWEVER. It's only recently that we decided that we'd start this whole show, but now lately I've been waaay more excited to talk. Now, I can go minutes and hours without talking to her or getting a response to a message without crapping myself, but I really don't like missing a chance to talk to her during the day at least. I haven't spoken to her today, but I have sent her an e-mail being all like "whassup" and stuff (and we're kinda planning a present for another friend), but... I could have waited til tommorow or something.

Would this or would this not come accross as needy? :confused:

My only other ROMANTIC INTERACTIONS have been with other dudes (yeah, yeah, I know) and neither of us really seemed to care about such a thing, so this is why I'm all jittery about this... new territory, etc. I'd hate to screw this up.

PermenentMarker said:
WOW, your 17 ???

You are a senior active forum member, I read so many of your posts... I never would have put you at that age... I was thinking young spirited but far older...

So in short I am saying that you seem more mature.
Click to expand...

ohstopit.png

3436896+_6115b046f91266f055dd07f82b2c8f46.jpg
 
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#7
I'm not the best person to give relationship advice (but it's not because I **** them up, you have to have one before you can do that :p:().

But it seems to me that the basis is already there, and imho you should continue on the way you have been going on.
Most important is that you continue to be the person she likes, but on top of being a friend you are now a romantic friend.
So keep going the way you've been going, but add a couple of romantic touches on top of it.
Be the friend you were before, but go that little extra mile to make her feel special.

Change is probably the worst thing you can do. It might work for people you just met (and ofcourse even then I highly advise against it, as I strongly believe every person should be themselves no matter what. "Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth."), but she will notice.

EDIT:
On the topic of being needy, it's a fine line to tread.
Some girls love getting constant attention, while others don't. My ex girlfriend was pretty pushy when it came to that. If I wasn't on MSN or anything she'd text me and she would continue to do so untill I came online. All in good spirit, but it can become tiresome.
It all depends on the person, and you probably know better than us since you know the girl and we do not.
We cannot in honesty assume what she might be like.
 
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#8
I would say being needy is:

If you are too obvious about missing her.

For example sending a text, not getting a response and sending 3 more texts about WHERE IS MY DAMN RESPONSE.
(for all you know, the phone maybe out of batteries)

All in all it just sounds like everything is going really well.


I think it's more dangerous after a year, when people start taking each other for granted and get temptations of change.

At that point it's easy to forget what we already have until we lose it.



Enjoy the moment ;)
I haven't felt them fuzzy happy yet sometimes painful joyful feelings in years.
 
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#10
I feel it's important to be able to discuss anything and everything. My girlfriend and I are often discussing aspects of relationships, comparing ours to others in a simple observational way, and it's always nice to confirm that we're on the same page.

As far as the needy thing goes here's just some examples from my life:

My girlfriend and I live 5 hours apart when at school, so we don't see each other until breaks and summer (during summer we live together). But when we're apart, we realize that we both have our own stuff to do, and if we can't get into contact with each other, it's no big deal. We've gone days without talking and we're both fine with that.

Some people we know are completely different. She knows a guy who has to answer her girlfriend's phone calls and texts immediately or his girlfriend will get angry.

I know someone in a long distance relationship where they have to be on skype as soon as possible and for all day, texting constantly, and ask for permission to hang up and go out with real live people.

Sending a message just saying "whassup" is fine. It's when you start sending things like "Where are you!? WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING?!" that will become an issue. Of course I hope that's obvious.

I think most of the time when it comes to people being dumped as being "the nice guy" it's because the guy was just too clingy.

These would be good things to discuss, perhaps not right in the beginning, but after you kind of start to feel each other out (heheh) and try and get a grasp on the relationship and where it's headed.

I feel like not much should be different than a man+man relationship, am I wrong?
 
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#11
Well here goes my love advice for you

I was in the same situation some years ago when I was 15 and got a crush on a girl of 17 years old. We got into a relationship that lasted for a year. Eventually we both came to a point where we told each other we were growing apart, as a result of me hanging out more at other places without bringing her along. I didn't really wanted her to be 'present' all the time, which eventually turned out into a stalled relationship. That's not what you want to hear, but I would just advice you to spend the time you have with her. Oh and do meet all her girlfriends or they'll eat you alive ( seriously! ).

About the 'needy' thing, it just depends on the type of girl you're dating, after a year you must know if she's needy or not, just trust yourself in your decision, don't be too insecure or it will only cause a lot of stress.
 
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