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Murphy's Rules of RO
- Thread starter m1ke068
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How about some of the ones that always happen to me...
- Having finally edged into the hard-fought cap-zone, killed one of the enemy that just tips the cap in your favour - you die from the nade he dropped when you killed him, that you never noticed, just BEFORE the cap bar completes.
- As a dev, you are finally getting into a killing spree, good location for the MG, when someone types "Are you guys working on a UE3 game?"... as you stop to type the answer, some barsteward bayonets you and runs around yelling "I killed a dev!"
- In a tank, you spot the engineer creeping up behind you, reverse and squish him. As you giggle and gloat, the satchel charge you didn't spot goes off right under your engine.
- Having finally edged into the hard-fought cap-zone, killed one of the enemy that just tips the cap in your favour - you die from the nade he dropped when you killed him, that you never noticed, just BEFORE the cap bar completes.
- As a dev, you are finally getting into a killing spree, good location for the MG, when someone types "Are you guys working on a UE3 game?"... as you stop to type the answer, some barsteward bayonets you and runs around yelling "I killed a dev!"
- In a tank, you spot the engineer creeping up behind you, reverse and squish him. As you giggle and gloat, the satchel charge you didn't spot goes off right under your engine.
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When playing as MG, and down to your last box of ammo, cries of "I need ammo" will go un noticed until one guy notices you, crawls over and presses "Fire" instead of "drop ammo"....
When playing as Squad leader, calling out the exact co ords of the Arty you have called in, to the closest centimeter ( ***ARTY in D4, on the pile of rubble behind the enemy cap zone, STAY CLEAR** ) half your team will run into it rather than the cap zone...
The guy that TK's you at spawn so he can get the IS2 will drive off the wrong way and end up in a minefield, then he will keep doing it in the belief that he is actually "clearing the minefield NOOB !! A few more goes and we can flank em !! " ...
When playing as Squad leader, calling out the exact co ords of the Arty you have called in, to the closest centimeter ( ***ARTY in D4, on the pile of rubble behind the enemy cap zone, STAY CLEAR** ) half your team will run into it rather than the cap zone...
The guy that TK's you at spawn so he can get the IS2 will drive off the wrong way and end up in a minefield, then he will keep doing it in the belief that he is actually "clearing the minefield NOOB !! A few more goes and we can flank em !! " ...
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If you have just TKed someone with your first nade, you will TK at least 2 more with your second.
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Keep em comin!! Having lots of laughs (out loud at some of them) reading the responses.
How about (for the married players out there) the wife is out, kids in bed and you settle in for a great evening of RO. Then and only then will one of your kids get up with the " I cant sleep Daddy" then they will sit on your lap and watch you play (Distinctly frowned upon by the other half)
and randomly reach out to press certain buttons that she has been watching you press.
"why did that bad man shoot you Daddy?"
How about (for the married players out there) the wife is out, kids in bed and you settle in for a great evening of RO. Then and only then will one of your kids get up with the " I cant sleep Daddy" then they will sit on your lap and watch you play (Distinctly frowned upon by the other half)
and randomly reach out to press certain buttons that she has been watching you press.
"why did that bad man shoot you Daddy?"
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-Whenever you decide the time is right to change barrel/reload/reposition and press b/r/f, hordes of enemies will start to cross the area you are covering.
-Never ever count on your teammates ; "oh great two of them are covering that entrance so i'll cover this one,me cover them them cover me, yay how cool!" type situations end you up in bashed/bayoed to death.
-Never ever count on your teammates ; "oh great two of them are covering that entrance so i'll cover this one,me cover them them cover me, yay how cool!" type situations end you up in bashed/bayoed to death.
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"Riochets always happen on the enemies armor"
"The panzerfaust, never penetrates with the first shoot, except when you are in the tank"
"Infantry never kills the tank, and the tank never the infantry. Its just the oposite"
"The perfect shoot is always possible, when you dont have the weapon for it. And when you find a gun that could do it, you have to pick it up"
"you always supress the enemy, when he is not ready to fire back"
"you ***** and quit the game, just to retourn to it"
"when you need a panzerfaust. Your enemy has one"
"you always encounter the sniper on distance. Without a rifle or scoped weapon"
"when you need a sniper, you dont have it. When you have a sniper, you dont need it"
"when you hear artillery. The chance is there that it just hits you"
"when you encouter a MG guner, you are the first one who dies"
"you have a HE inside, when tanks attack but AP when infantry is advancing"
"as Mg guner, you get only so much ammo you can waste. Never more, never less"
"you have infantry support when you dont need it"
"you have tank support when you dont need it"
"you dont have any support when you need it"
"when using artilley, you encounter that its already called. By another player or the enemy at your position"
"the radio is always in use when you need it"
"you are not in the commanders position when you could lay down the perfect artilley fire"
"you can only drive your tank, so far it gets killed, abushed or the engine damaged"
"the enemy tank always spots you"
"shells do damage, but not when they richochet from enemies armor"
"shells never richochet from your amor, only when they do damage"
And who would forget the true Ro-Players.
(you know you are not one, when you ask what you have to do to be one)
- A true Ro player counts only with his bayonet kills
- A true Ro player is never found on the battlefield, he gives away his positon
- A true Ro player has no grenades. Period
- A true Ro player appends his bayonet during the CQ-Fight
- A true Ro player, gets not supressed by MG. He supress the Mg guner. With a hand gun
- A true Ro player, is playing CS to own people and explain that it originates from RO
- A true Ro player drinks vodka. With the developers.
- A true Ro player never ever gets beaten. Period. Except from the developers of the game.
- A true Ro player never uses glitches/ bugs/lags as advantage. He just dont.
- A true Ro player only attacks with the disadvantages on his side.
- A true Ro player never ever leaves his tank. Never.
- A true Ro player is using his MP against rifles on distance and his rifle against MPS in closecombat. And survives.
- A true Ro player is not known to have a specific gender, race, colour etc. He is what he is.
- A true wizard ... ahm RO player is never late, nor is he early on the battlefield, he arrives precisely when he means to.
- A true Ro player, is a helpfull player. No matter the cost.
- A true Ro player is sniping. Always. Without scope.
- A true Ro player never ever looses his gun. He throws it away.
- A true Ro player has no use for the words "shell-schock" and "supression"
- A true Ro player attacks ONLY while shellschock and supression.
- A true Ro player never loose. The time just ends.
- A true Ro player, does not need to know english.
- A true Ro player has no need for a panzerfaust in tank fights. Only to club.
- A true Ro player has no need for a sniper in fights. Only to club.
- A true Ro player is only counting kills with his mg he got while undeployed.
- A true Ro player does not rest his rifle. Period. (except on dead cows or horses)
- A true Ro player dives accidently. Not willingly.
- A true Ro player is never doing something accidently.
- A true Ro player brings back the guns, others have loost. No matter if enemy or friendly.
- A true Ro player is not shoting. He kills.
- A true Ro player is not using cover. He dodges and avoid. Except while attacking.
- A true Ro player has to give his enemy enough time to shoot back, no matter if its close combat or not.
- A true Ro player is not angling. Period.
- A true Ro player shots only when the enemy tank is angled.
- A true Ro player NEVER, NEVER EVER shots his tank mg at the enemy tanks.
- A true Ro player kills enemy infantry with his tank by crushing them.
Oh and something that should give a fighter a strange feeling sometimes ...
When you enter a new server. You end with a weapon, you havnt been trained for, in a situation you do not have encountered before, with a squad you dont know and people you have no clue about there skills. But non the less you think you can own them all. (this gets multiplied by 2 on combined arms maps)
"The panzerfaust, never penetrates with the first shoot, except when you are in the tank"
"Infantry never kills the tank, and the tank never the infantry. Its just the oposite"
"The perfect shoot is always possible, when you dont have the weapon for it. And when you find a gun that could do it, you have to pick it up"
"you always supress the enemy, when he is not ready to fire back"
"you ***** and quit the game, just to retourn to it"
"when you need a panzerfaust. Your enemy has one"
"you always encounter the sniper on distance. Without a rifle or scoped weapon"
"when you need a sniper, you dont have it. When you have a sniper, you dont need it"
"when you hear artillery. The chance is there that it just hits you"
"when you encouter a MG guner, you are the first one who dies"
"you have a HE inside, when tanks attack but AP when infantry is advancing"
"as Mg guner, you get only so much ammo you can waste. Never more, never less"
"you have infantry support when you dont need it"
"you have tank support when you dont need it"
"you dont have any support when you need it"
"when using artilley, you encounter that its already called. By another player or the enemy at your position"
"the radio is always in use when you need it"
"you are not in the commanders position when you could lay down the perfect artilley fire"
"you can only drive your tank, so far it gets killed, abushed or the engine damaged"
"the enemy tank always spots you"
"shells do damage, but not when they richochet from enemies armor"
"shells never richochet from your amor, only when they do damage"
And who would forget the true Ro-Players.
(you know you are not one, when you ask what you have to do to be one)
- A true Ro player counts only with his bayonet kills
- A true Ro player is never found on the battlefield, he gives away his positon
- A true Ro player has no grenades. Period
- A true Ro player appends his bayonet during the CQ-Fight
- A true Ro player, gets not supressed by MG. He supress the Mg guner. With a hand gun
- A true Ro player, is playing CS to own people and explain that it originates from RO
- A true Ro player drinks vodka. With the developers.
- A true Ro player never ever gets beaten. Period. Except from the developers of the game.
- A true Ro player never uses glitches/ bugs/lags as advantage. He just dont.
- A true Ro player only attacks with the disadvantages on his side.
- A true Ro player never ever leaves his tank. Never.
- A true Ro player is using his MP against rifles on distance and his rifle against MPS in closecombat. And survives.
- A true Ro player is not known to have a specific gender, race, colour etc. He is what he is.
- A true wizard ... ahm RO player is never late, nor is he early on the battlefield, he arrives precisely when he means to.
- A true Ro player, is a helpfull player. No matter the cost.
- A true Ro player is sniping. Always. Without scope.
- A true Ro player never ever looses his gun. He throws it away.
- A true Ro player has no use for the words "shell-schock" and "supression"
- A true Ro player attacks ONLY while shellschock and supression.
- A true Ro player never loose. The time just ends.
- A true Ro player, does not need to know english.
- A true Ro player has no need for a panzerfaust in tank fights. Only to club.
- A true Ro player has no need for a sniper in fights. Only to club.
- A true Ro player is only counting kills with his mg he got while undeployed.
- A true Ro player does not rest his rifle. Period. (except on dead cows or horses)
- A true Ro player dives accidently. Not willingly.
- A true Ro player is never doing something accidently.
- A true Ro player brings back the guns, others have loost. No matter if enemy or friendly.
- A true Ro player is not shoting. He kills.
- A true Ro player is not using cover. He dodges and avoid. Except while attacking.
- A true Ro player has to give his enemy enough time to shoot back, no matter if its close combat or not.
- A true Ro player is not angling. Period.
- A true Ro player shots only when the enemy tank is angled.
- A true Ro player NEVER, NEVER EVER shots his tank mg at the enemy tanks.
- A true Ro player kills enemy infantry with his tank by crushing them.
Oh and something that should give a fighter a strange feeling sometimes ...
When you enter a new server. You end with a weapon, you havnt been trained for, in a situation you do not have encountered before, with a squad you dont know and people you have no clue about there skills. But non the less you think you can own them all. (this gets multiplied by 2 on combined arms maps)
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AINT THAT THE TRUTH! look around the screen and you can find around 6 or 7 persons all charging the trenches just the second after i initiate a reload
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murphies law is "if something can go wrong, it will go wrong" the things posted above have nothing to do with murphies law actually... just me being an ***hat
That sentence is well known for "murphies law", but the actual idea/fact behind murphies law is more typical human psychology.
If something goes wrong, you'll notice it. If it doesnt, you dont realize it didnt go wrong.
Do you remember all the times when you drove faster because you were in a hurry, or the one where you were in the hurry again but caused an accident?
"Of course it had to happen NOW, dammit!"
When you throw a nade over a wall and kill an enemy you go on playing, everything worked as intended. If you kill three of your teammates instead, you'll more likely "notice" this grenade as something "special".
If it doesnt go wrong, you don't think about it. If it goes wrong, it had to be exactly this time when it "could" go wrong. Well no, that oportunity of failing was just like any other... except it did go wrong.
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When you are the first in the capzone and cleared it by yourself, YOU will die 2 seconds before your team caps it.
Uffz_Huib
Uffz_Huib
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when you cautiously managed to sneak around an enemy tank for like 5 minutes with some fausts, and decide to stand right behind his tank and scream an "insult voice message" at him so he notices you right before you fire the faust up his ass, he sees you, jumps out and pistol shoots you...
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you need a ride, you call for a ride.. the ride comes and runs over you
when playing on public, the sniper on your team will be called ROPlayer and he'll have -27 points.. the sniper on the enemy team however will be called [-I-]something or project.something and he'll have more points then both teams combined
just as you finally found a good tank to ride, your driver is called Trotel.. he is 11 years old and doesnt even know what English means- he also thinks that driving into an enemy tank is the best course of action
meh, this game ****s.. there's no crosshair
when playing on public, the sniper on your team will be called ROPlayer and he'll have -27 points.. the sniper on the enemy team however will be called [-I-]something or project.something and he'll have more points then both teams combined
just as you finally found a good tank to ride, your driver is called Trotel.. he is 11 years old and doesnt even know what English means- he also thinks that driving into an enemy tank is the best course of action
meh, this game ****s.. there's no crosshair
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*When your team is dug in, and your role is to cover an approach, you sit looking for five minutes and nobody comes. Then, the first time you turn to check the flank, an enemy or enemies come down the approach and you instantly get a bullet in the side of your face while you are looking away.
*You are always bayonetted from the direction you were just looking before you turned around because you didn't see anyone.
*When driving a full halftrack or UC in a rush to get to a safe place in the next cap zone and make a quick capture, everyone gets out before the vehicle is fully stopped because they are afraid of tanks and fausts, and you are instantly kicked for teamkills because you ran them over. Nobody is in the capzone alive, and when you come back to the server, your sniper rifle/MG/squad leader/sapper/AT/Stg 44/semi-auto rifle is no longer available and you have no choice but go bolt.
*When reinforcements are low, that is when you commit the most friendly fire incidents.
*On Konigplatz as a German Sapper, when you have spent what feels like forever patiently tracking the enemy armor, going from cover to cover avoiding enemy infantry (and perhaps killing some), have flanked and snuck up behind the tank and have primed and thrown your satchel and it has landed perfectly, it is panzerfausted or shelled by your squadmates....who are too close and die in the blast from your satchel.
*In Stalingradkessel, as Russian your team is only good enough to capture and defend either the Warehouse or the Assembly Hall. Never both. As German, the russians have capped both before you have even gotten out of the railyard.
*When you have bravely cleared the cap zone in an astounding solo killing spree that impresses even yourself (lol), you realize you aren't capping, and see on the map that it is greyed out. Additionally, you realize that the enemies you just proudly eliminated are taking a free ride on your dime to the next advance spawn point...which means of course you will explode in a few seconds because you are behind their spawn.
*Your brilliant "flanking maneuver" is just a drive/walk into a minefield.
*You never notice that minefield warning until it is too late to get out. And even if you have time, your grasp of the tank's controls mysteriously eludes you.
*You are always bayonetted from the direction you were just looking before you turned around because you didn't see anyone.
*When driving a full halftrack or UC in a rush to get to a safe place in the next cap zone and make a quick capture, everyone gets out before the vehicle is fully stopped because they are afraid of tanks and fausts, and you are instantly kicked for teamkills because you ran them over. Nobody is in the capzone alive, and when you come back to the server, your sniper rifle/MG/squad leader/sapper/AT/Stg 44/semi-auto rifle is no longer available and you have no choice but go bolt.
*When reinforcements are low, that is when you commit the most friendly fire incidents.
*On Konigplatz as a German Sapper, when you have spent what feels like forever patiently tracking the enemy armor, going from cover to cover avoiding enemy infantry (and perhaps killing some), have flanked and snuck up behind the tank and have primed and thrown your satchel and it has landed perfectly, it is panzerfausted or shelled by your squadmates....who are too close and die in the blast from your satchel.
*In Stalingradkessel, as Russian your team is only good enough to capture and defend either the Warehouse or the Assembly Hall. Never both. As German, the russians have capped both before you have even gotten out of the railyard.
*When you have bravely cleared the cap zone in an astounding solo killing spree that impresses even yourself (lol), you realize you aren't capping, and see on the map that it is greyed out. Additionally, you realize that the enemies you just proudly eliminated are taking a free ride on your dime to the next advance spawn point...which means of course you will explode in a few seconds because you are behind their spawn.
*Your brilliant "flanking maneuver" is just a drive/walk into a minefield.
*You never notice that minefield warning until it is too late to get out. And even if you have time, your grasp of the tank's controls mysteriously eludes you.
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When your hunting a tank and fail to notice the one that's running over you until it...runs over you.
When your trying to blow up a tank at extreme ranges just to hear over VOIP (team), who'se shooting an anti-tank weapon at me?
When you go to crest a hill to over look some enemy tanks and set up your tank killing gun and a tank runs over you in the exact spot you crest the hill.
When your in shock that a tank round is coming straight at you from the horizon, and all you can think is, "Wow!" as the screen fills with your own body parts.
When someone say's over VOIP. "Raaaag--Dolll" you know it's over.
When your trying to blow up a tank at extreme ranges just to hear over VOIP (team), who'se shooting an anti-tank weapon at me?
When you go to crest a hill to over look some enemy tanks and set up your tank killing gun and a tank runs over you in the exact spot you crest the hill.
When your in shock that a tank round is coming straight at you from the horizon, and all you can think is, "Wow!" as the screen fills with your own body parts.
When someone say's over VOIP. "Raaaag--Dolll" you know it's over.
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- Enemies always come from the direction your not looking at.
- You kill your enemy onlyif he already killed you.
- There is more close combat when you are a sniper. There is more long-rang combat when you have a Ppsh.
- Things never go as planned
- Miracles happen when you don't
-You don't kill when you expect and you do when you don't.
- You lose, you switch your team, you lose again.
- The sniper always picks on you.
- The best artys work in random places.
-You go afk, you live, when you get back, you see yourself die.
- When you become what you want, something goes wrong.
- Bolts are only good AFTER you drink milk.
- You kill your enemy onlyif he already killed you.
- There is more close combat when you are a sniper. There is more long-rang combat when you have a Ppsh.
- Things never go as planned
- Miracles happen when you don't
-You don't kill when you expect and you do when you don't.
- You lose, you switch your team, you lose again.
- The sniper always picks on you.
- The best artys work in random places.
-You go afk, you live, when you get back, you see yourself die.
- When you become what you want, something goes wrong.
- Bolts are only good AFTER you drink milk.
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