The Pseudo-official Joke thread

[Capt.Marion]

Some base-line rules so it doesn't get locked up:

1. If any pictures need to be included, LINK to them if they are NSFW!!!
2. Warn if the joke is NSFW
3. No corny jokes. They can only be so if they are so corny that they're funny.

To start it off:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.Behind you is another galloping horse. Bothhorses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?















Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

 

[Sclass12]

two guys ewalk into a abr you think one of them woulda saw oit lol

 

[Sgt.Rock]

Did you hear about the new French tank?













Yeah, Its got 14 gears, 13 go in reverse and 1 goes forward, just incase the enemy attacks from behind.

 

[The Soup Nazi]

I never finish anythi

 

[BuddyLee]

What does a 'Gay' horse eat?
























"Hey!!11!"


was that too corny for ya?

 

[Cuddles]

Dont go to Las Vegas drunk with a women u known over 2 days (or a man same difference )

 

[Err]

A baby seal walks into a club.

 

[Nestor Makhno]

Buddy can I adopt your cat please?

 

[stebbs]

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"



**lame, i know, but for some reason it makes me chuckle.

 

[RedGuardist]

Sorry guys, but could not help it.

This is not actual joke, but it sure made me laugh. This is what I call a negative review.

http://rr.pc.ign.com/rrview/pc/red_orchestra_ostfront_41_45/784872/55748/

 

[stebbs]

i disagree, that review was one of the funniest things I've read in a while.

 

[RedGuardist]

Well, that`s what I meaned.

It was hilarious, but I would still claim it rather negative.

 

[Cuddles]

Sorry guys, but could not help it.

This is not actual joke, but it sure made me laugh. This is what I call a negative review.

http://rr.pc.ign.com/rrview/pc/red_orchestra_ostfront_41_45/784872/55748/

To mutch arcade games make you go nuts. I bet the guy who made this review never even seen a gun before bcause real guns dont have OMGWHERESMACROSSHAIRY

 

[God]

A man runs into his doctors office shouting "Doctor Doctor, I've got 5 penises!"

the doctor says: "Blimey, how do your trousers fit?"

The man says: "Like a glove!"

 

[Tak]

That's bloody horrible God LOL

So a man goes into a pet store, and decides on a parot.

He takes the parot home and it goes nuts. It curses, abuses his roomate, steals things, tears up the furniture, the works.

The man got sick of it, obviously, and locked the parot in the freezer. The parot squawked and protested for almost an hour, then suddenly went silent.

Though the man was angry, he wasn't a cruel person, and immediately ran over and opened the freezer, fearing the parot dead.

The bird hopped out onto the man's arm and calmly appologized for his horrible behavior, and promised to be only the best of a pet from that moment forward. The man accepted the appology of course, but the parot was puzzled. "What's wrong?" the man asked. The bird thought for a moment and said,"Well...what did the turkey do?"



________________________
This one is from a friend of mine, but it's good

It's the summer of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his
date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo.

When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?"
He says, "That's cool."

Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in-movie.

Peggy Sue's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says "Whaaaat?"
"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "we know that Peggy Sue really likes to screw, why she'd screw all night if we let her!"

Bobby's eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has
revised the plans for the evening.

A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the
front door while Dad is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small wink for Bobby.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father, "DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

​

 

[snakedude24]

Ehl Oh Ehl.

 

[snakedude24]

So a guy goes to his fiancee's house to pick up her keys, and he's greeted by her sister there. She's dressed in virtually nothing, leaving everything and nothing to the imagination. She looks at him straight on, and says "Wanna ****?"

He says nothing, but turns around and walks out to his car. Halfway there, he's intercepted by his fiancee's father, who exclaims "Good job son! You passed our test, and I'm happy to call you my son-in-law!"

Moral of the story?






















































































































































Keep your condoms in the car.

 

[BuddyLee]

Buddy can I adopt your cat please?

If the new thought police come knocking at my door, club me and drag me off to some backwoods NAZI law enforcement camp... you have first dibs.

Mr.Martin is a Rad Cat, last night he had Lasagna for Dinner like Garfield.

 

[Nestor Makhno]

Is that a likely eventuality? The police and that?

I mean, I could always drop the dime on you...

 

[Nestor Makhno]

I was told this joke when I lived in Czech rep.

An American, a Russian and a Czech are sitting in the woods, camping when they decide to have a bet - the bet was you drink a litre of your national spirits, go into the cave and wrestle a big, mean old bear then go to a shack in the woods and f*ck an old grannie who lives there.

The American starts - necks a litre of bourbon and it goes right to his head. He is weaving all over the show, can't find the cave and eventually collapses in a heap by the river.

The Russian downs a litre of vodka, staggers into the bear cave and a load of *growl*, *rip*, *thump* noises ensue. After a while the cave goes quiet and the Russian tumbles out: arm hanging off, huge claw marks all over him and he staggers over to the river and drops down on the river bank, half-dead, next to the American.

The Czech downs a litre of Czech rum, strolls purposely into the cave and again a load of *growl*, *rip*, *thump* noises ensue. After a while it goes quiet and the Czech walks out, doing up his flies, and asks, "OK, where's this old grannie I'm supposed to wrestle?"