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For light amusement... if anyone kicks off with any idiot politics, I'll just have to close and delete my own thread. Oh - and ban whoever makes me close it 
The first part of this was sent to me by a friend. I've added to it somewhat - perhaps you'd like to add a few of your own. Light-hearted xenophobic comments all welcome
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bl**dy Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bl**dy Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Swiss, are now moving from a view of "World quite worked up: sell more weapons" up to "They may really go to war soon - sell more weapons AND accept stolen art treasures in payment."
The Americans are expected to follow their now well-understood response pattern and move from "Bomb their country!" up to the next level of alert, known as "Bomb ANY country we can't spell!". There are of course, still a couple more alert levels for the Americans - "This is going badly - use the British and Canadians" and, finally, "Bomb EVERY country!"
Some countries are considering offering further support: the Dutch are expected to send their 5th Airborne (Stoned) Brigade and their 4th and 5th (Completely and utterly wasted) Bomber Squadrons. The Canadians are sending a naval task force, which will arrive in the gulf when they can find the paddles to the kayak. The Russians have volunteered to send a large contingent of Chechens, Georgians and Khazaks to Iraq. Some of these may still be armed, for which the Russians have already apologised. The Ukrainians have since offered a large contingent of Russians, some of whom may even still be alive when they get there, but not if the Ukrainians can help it. The Swedes will be providing logistical support, all in flat-pack form. Any missing parts will be obtainable by ringing a number in Sweden, which will be answered by an Indian speaking Gujarati - in which language "IKEA" means "you must be joking!" The Poles are very generously offering a large number of builders to help with the reconstruction work, when they can get them all back from London.
The first part of this was sent to me by a friend. I've added to it somewhat - perhaps you'd like to add a few of your own. Light-hearted xenophobic comments all welcome
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bl**dy Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bl**dy Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Swiss, are now moving from a view of "World quite worked up: sell more weapons" up to "They may really go to war soon - sell more weapons AND accept stolen art treasures in payment."
The Americans are expected to follow their now well-understood response pattern and move from "Bomb their country!" up to the next level of alert, known as "Bomb ANY country we can't spell!". There are of course, still a couple more alert levels for the Americans - "This is going badly - use the British and Canadians" and, finally, "Bomb EVERY country!"
Some countries are considering offering further support: the Dutch are expected to send their 5th Airborne (Stoned) Brigade and their 4th and 5th (Completely and utterly wasted) Bomber Squadrons. The Canadians are sending a naval task force, which will arrive in the gulf when they can find the paddles to the kayak. The Russians have volunteered to send a large contingent of Chechens, Georgians and Khazaks to Iraq. Some of these may still be armed, for which the Russians have already apologised. The Ukrainians have since offered a large contingent of Russians, some of whom may even still be alive when they get there, but not if the Ukrainians can help it. The Swedes will be providing logistical support, all in flat-pack form. Any missing parts will be obtainable by ringing a number in Sweden, which will be answered by an Indian speaking Gujarati - in which language "IKEA" means "you must be joking!" The Poles are very generously offering a large number of builders to help with the reconstruction work, when they can get them all back from London.
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