Would you like to serve Crown and Country?
Feel the Need for adventure?
Need some Dosh?
Want to prevent yourself from dieing huddled in a corner eaten by hairless abominations?
Then Join the Royal Defense Force Today!
Job Description
Been looking for the job of a lifetime? This is it! We will drop you off at a determined location, where you and some coworkers will be PAID to defend themselves. Here at the RDF, we live by the motto "Give a man a gun, and he'll kill for a wave. Give a man an arms dealer, and he'll kill for Ten."* You see, we will not only supply you with transportation, a premium Boey knife (while supplies last) and a 9mm handgun, but a team-wide arms dealer for the comfort and safety of our employees! This goes hand in hand with our merit system: no seniority here, we pay for hard work. Because that is the RDF way.
* No seriously, we're dumping you into the battle with a knife and gun so you can pay with your own wages to survive to make more. On the bright side, it's more satisfying work than flipping burgers!
* No seriously, we're dumping you into the battle with a knife and gun so you can pay with your own wages to survive to make more. On the bright side, it's more satisfying work than flipping burgers!
Employee Benefits
We are devoted to ensuring our employees have the safest and most comfortable work enviorments possible, as well as the addition of mutiple employee benefits for your satisfaction. We offer free life insurance; FREE.And with survival rates this low, you can be sure this will pay off. We also have the forementioned meritocracy, where employees can always aim for the stars, and be rewarded. Also, if you sign up TODAY, we will include a FREE Welding and Medicine Pack (Med and Welding apparatus courtesy of Horzine Inc.). Now that's an offer. But wait, there's more! Employees will be paid a notable sum of money in advance. That's right; on your flight, you will be paid before you even show up at work, and considerably so. You see, that's our other motto: "A lazy elf is a dead elf"...oh wait, wrong file, excuse me; its actually "A happy trooper is a trooper that dies in slightly more time".
Job Requirements
Now, I'm sure your all riling and ready to go; and guess what, if you see this as your next dream-job, then your in luck! The only requirements are that you can run a certain speed, than your fit to be a regular employee; no internships or lower wages early on! Of course, if you run slower than something we call "a bloat", then we won't spoil your fun; you can even get promoted, if you manage to survive past the first wave (unfortunately, Class D employees are only given Boeing Combat Knives, so we highly recommend you not be fat, injured, or dead). We are confident that, in only a few hours after start of shift, that our employees will be fit in no time! No lengthy training or bootcamp required! There is, however, also an intelligence and aiming test; you must be able to fire a weapon. If you cannot do this, you may run the risk of being demoted to employee Class D.
FAQs
QWill we be given any weapons beyond the 9mm or knife?
AYou will also be given grenades, a welder, and medicine, unless you have been an approved "Rank 5" in specialized tasks, but we will explain to you that system another time.
QThis "Rank specialization" seems interesting. Go on
AThis is an extension of our merit-driven system; if you prove you won't die in 3 seconds, we will start to consider giving you whatever you are least likely to shoot youself with
QWait...so you just throw us out with a knife and pistol and other junk?!
ADon't forget an arms dealer
QWhy doesn't SHE just kill them and supply us off the bat?
AWell she isn't the sad sap joining the RDF is she?
QWhat dangers will we be facing?
AWe won't be too specific (its classified), but we may give you useful tips en-route to ensure the most pleasant of work experiences
QWait a sec...did I just read we are paying with our own wages to do what you should be giving us?
A No one is making you buy guns here, we are simply suggesting it and bringing a dealer. You are free to choose what you spend it on, be it a movie, a fancy dinner, or a rocket launcher.
Q Why is the money you just gave me shrinking and dissapearing?
A To be totally honest, we are not sure ourselves; you may want to check in with the scientific reports being done at the moment. They are quite enlightening, but at the moment no one theory is proven true.
AYou will also be given grenades, a welder, and medicine, unless you have been an approved "Rank 5" in specialized tasks, but we will explain to you that system another time.
QThis "Rank specialization" seems interesting. Go on
AThis is an extension of our merit-driven system; if you prove you won't die in 3 seconds, we will start to consider giving you whatever you are least likely to shoot youself with
QWait...so you just throw us out with a knife and pistol and other junk?!
ADon't forget an arms dealer
QWhy doesn't SHE just kill them and supply us off the bat?
AWell she isn't the sad sap joining the RDF is she?
QWhat dangers will we be facing?
AWe won't be too specific (its classified), but we may give you useful tips en-route to ensure the most pleasant of work experiences
QWait a sec...did I just read we are paying with our own wages to do what you should be giving us?
A No one is making you buy guns here, we are simply suggesting it and bringing a dealer. You are free to choose what you spend it on, be it a movie, a fancy dinner, or a rocket launcher.
Q Why is the money you just gave me shrinking and dissapearing?
A To be totally honest, we are not sure ourselves; you may want to check in with the scientific reports being done at the moment. They are quite enlightening, but at the moment no one theory is proven true.
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