Where does the Dosh go?

[͡ °๏Rɐnɐ-Sɐmɐ๏͡°]

I knew the zeds wouldn't just give up that glorious dosh without some trick up their sleeves!

I nominate that as Theory 7, as, although this is your first post, you are clearly experienced in the science of Dosh.

Please read the whole thread before posting
no its theory #8.

 

[timur]

[QUOTE=͡

 

[Clotkiller999]

Now that the new year has arrived, we must take a step back and examine some of the questions that go unanswered. While there have been entire threads simply naming these little miracles/conundrums, I feel this year we should examine one particular little phenomena: The Mystery of the Dissapearing Dosh. Just throw that 50 quid on the ground; see it shrink, twirl, and vanish? I was must confused by this curious habit, so I went and decided to delve into Doshology (The study of Loadsa Munny, a true Gentlemen's art). These is my list of explanations; feel free to donate your analysis to the cause, or attempt to verify which is in fact the truth.

Theory 1: The Ghosts of dead Chavs have come to steal all that Hot Dosh when it goes cold. I'm sure that, after their lives, their afterlives would be equally troublesome/funny to everyone else.

Theory 2: The Patriarch, Kevin Clamely, is a cheap b*stard who will not pass up the oppurtunity to pick some dosh off the street, and not look to see if anyone dropped it. You just don't see him, since he's invisible.

Theory 3: Ants are in fact taking your hard earned Dosh! These ants (or perhaps ant-zeds) see your pulsating green treasure, and use their Horzine shrink rays to bring it down to their size. If this is true, perhaps the Trader could sell you some ant poison.

Theory 4: The Dosh Fairy (a figure of legend, who gifts Dosh to those who kill zombies. This entity is believed by some of those supersticious Brits to be the one who hands out that Dosh and Ammo in return for lead-embedded zombie corpses) is taking back it's own. After all, it's your fault for disrespecting the Loadsa Munny she gave you for that scrake by dirtying it on the ground. If you really want it, act like you want it!

Theory 5: The "Money Money Money" you throw on the ground is in fact a sentient being. You are setting the inter-dimensional Quid free, to return to whence they came. Truly touching.

Well, I for one have narrowed it down to those five from strict scientific tests, but feel free to throw your own hypotheses out there. I kinda think it's Theory Number 1

Truly touching sir!

I blow stuff up...i blow them up until gibs! I BLOW UP THE GIBS! I BLOW UP THE GIBS GIBS!.....Too much?...sorry - Demolitions

 

[timur]

Truly touching sir!

I blow stuff up...i blow them up until gibs! I BLOW UP THE GIBS! I BLOW UP THE GIBS GIBS!.....Too much?...sorry - Demolitions

why thank you.

And perhaps we could delve into the matter of gibs some day as well, particularly of the gibs of gibs (or perhaps the gibs of the gibs of Gibby if we are getting ambitious).

However, I will leave you with a parting question as well:

How much flesh would a flespound pound if a fleshpound could pound flesh?

That is all

 

[Salad Snake]

How much flesh would a flespound pound if a fleshpound could pound flesh?

About 6 full-sized adult's worth apparently.

 

[Duerkos]

You are not seeing the big picture here.

Actually, the Patriarch is the Trader ex-husband. She decided to ditch him when he started to go a bit weird, and she took lots of Dosh from him (all she could find in paper). However, the Patriarch had another strange hobby (in addition to cloning and genetic modification), he just loved to collect 1 penny Dosh. In fact, he has an almost infinite number of 1 penny Dosh in his secret vault.

With the trader leaving him no Big Dosh to buy new laboratory equipment and the such, the Patriarch decided to release his Zeds with a mission: to find a bank in which change the dosh.

However, the Trader wanted to shame him more and get even more of his money, so she decided to contract a bunch of mercenaries (the players) to kill those Zeds in their way to the bank. When a Zed dies, its coins get thrown on the floor, and the Trader gather them through her secret tunnels (She already had a tunnel network for her side bussines: Collecting & Selling weapons).

So finally, the Dosh you see is not real Dosh, but a promise of money from the Trader. In each difficulty the map gives you less money per Zed and Round, simply because the Trader is keeping herself a bigger part of the share. If you want to buy her weapons, well, you have to give her a part of your future share.

PD: And that's why the different Zeds give different ammounts of dosh, each one can carry a different ammount of weight or the Patriarch thinks it is more reliable to find his way to the Bank.

PD2: I'm sorry if it is awful. I thought of it tonight and I sleeped poorly.

 

[timur]

You are not seeing the big picture here.

Actually, the Patriarch is the Trader ex-husband. She decided to ditch him when he started to go a bit weird, and she took lots of Dosh from him (all she could find in paper). However, the Patriarch had another strange hobby (in addition to cloning and genetic modification), he just loved to collect 1 penny Dosh. In fact, he has an almost infinite number of 1 penny Dosh in his secret vault.

With the trader leaving him no Big Dosh to buy new laboratory equipment and the such, the Patriarch decided to release his Zeds with a mission: to find a bank in which change the dosh.

However, the Trader wanted to shame him more and get even more of his money, so she decided to contract a bunch of mercenaries (the players) to kill those Zeds in their way to the bank. When a Zed dies, its coins get thrown on the floor, and the Trader gather them through her secret tunnels (She already had a tunnel network for her side bussines: Collecting & Selling weapons).

So finally, the Dosh you see is not real Dosh, but a promise of money from the Trader. In each difficulty the map gives you less money per Zed and Round, simply because the Trader is keeping herself a bigger part of the share. If you want to buy her weapons, well, you have to give her a part of your future share.

PD: And that's why the different Zeds give different ammounts of dosh, each one can carry a different ammount of weight or the Patriarch thinks it is more reliable to find his way to the Bank.

PD2: I'm sorry if it is awful. I thought of it tonight and I sleeped poorly.

its far from awful. Its genius! a worthy Theory 9. Now about Nobotys enslavement of dosh for a playboy mansion....

 

[halbridious]

Personally, i think its the whole horizone ray thingy, except that, like every other piece of horizone tech, Trader B#$%# stole the ray and uses it to pad her sunchip fund.

 

[timur]

Personally, i think its the whole horizone ray thingy, except that, like every other piece of horizone tech, Trader B#$%# stole the ray and uses it to pad her sunchip fund.

Hmmmm.....but if the trader is stealing it....and buying sunchips...and the patty is Sunchip's largest fan...does that mean that she and the patty are partners in crime?

 

[halbridious]

Hmmmm.....but if the trader is stealing it....and buying sunchips...and the patty is Sunchip's largest fan...does that mean that she and the patty are partners in crime?

DAMN -HES RIGHT!! the dosh fairy must not give Patty any cash (he prolly pissed her off) so he sends out the zeds, giving the trader an excuse to open up buisness and steal our hard fought spoils and then the sly dog gets a serious cut! And whats worse, if its true that these little green bunches are sentient, we as players are participating in a slave trade!!! and if we don't go through with it, we get raped by ZEDs!!! OMG THOSE SCHEMING *&*&F&* B*%&^% *&^%*&!!!!

 

[timur]

DAMN -HES RIGHT!! the dosh fairy must not give Patty any cash (he prolly pissed her off) so he sends out the zeds, giving the trader an excuse to open up buisness and steal our hard fought spoils and then the sly dog gets a serious cut! And whats worse, if its true that these little green bunches are sentient, we as players are participating in a slave trade!!! and if we don't go through with it, we get raped by ZEDs!!! OMG THOSE SCHEMING *&*&F&* B*%&^% *&^%*&!!!!

yes, its a cycle of slavery and death, that can only be solved by killing the patrairch! That is the real reason to mow him down

 

[halbridious]

I feel much more like a hero and less the self-preserving dick-weed when i look at it like this Imma go save some aliens now.

 

[Crow72]

This is obviously a scheme by TWI to take the tiny extra fractions of money that no one will notice and put them into a bank account. The only problem is, they probably have to launder the money as there is much more than they expected due to a programming bug. Probably a shifted decimal point.

Nice...Just, nice

 

[adder1]

Obviously, the zeds we're killing are highly radioactive, hence the glowing ammo boxes, weapon drops, armor drops, and, most importantly, the money we pick up after killing each one. Since paper money is obviously much easier to decompose than, say, a kevlar assault vest, it rapidly begins to decay and dissolve upon contact with a highly irradiated surface. Like the ground. However, being paper also has the strange side effect of gaining limited sentience after a few seconds of contact with this highly irradiated ground. Why "limited"? Because it'll quickly begin spinning around in circles in pain as it begins to decay into nothingness.

So why isn't everything else glowing? That, my friends, is a question for another day.

...

I NEED DRUGS!

 

[timur]

Obviously, the zeds we're killing are highly radioactive, hence the glowing ammo boxes, weapon drops, armor drops, and, most importantly, the money we pick up after killing each one. Since paper money is obviously much easier to decompose than, say, a kevlar assault vest, it rapidly begins to decay and dissolve upon contact with a highly irradiated surface. Like the ground. However, being paper also has the strange side effect of gaining limited sentience after a few seconds of contact with this highly irradiated ground. Why "limited"? Because it'll quickly begin spinning around in circles in pain as it begins to decay into nothingness.

So why isn't everything else glowing? That, my friends, is a question for another day.

...

I NEED DRUGS!

Hmm...an interesting theory. Definately worthy of Number 10

Obviously these forums are simply a hive of intellect! You wouldn't see these kind of things in your average steam forum!

Now the question of the day is:

Why is there never a bloody quack when you need one?

 

[adder1]

Now the question of the day is:

Why is there never a bloody quack when you need one?

Because zeds obviously like roast duck. *sniff*