So I just broke up

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SnotRocket

FNG / Fresh Meat
Nov 21, 2005
388
0
0
34
Georgia
Like the title says, I broke up with a girlfriend of 3 1/2 years and really need other people to recognize that it was the right move so I don't second-guess myself. I go to college with this girl, and we see each other everyday. So I figured that over christmas break it'd be ok for us to not see each other for at least a few days. I'm starting a job and wanted to get that underway so I could afford gas + car insurance before I went over to see her.

Anyway, she gets mad that I'm not coming over enough, and is acting very jealous and needy. We get into a huge fight and don't talk for about 12 hours. The next day, she calls and explains that it was all a big misunderstanding. I apologize for being a jerk, tell her she's really great and didn't deserve that, I promise I'll come see her and take her out, etc. I ask if everything is ok now, she says yes, and I genuinely think that everything is fine and we say good night (we've dated for over 3 years, I can usually tell when everything is ok).

The next day I get a call that my aunt has died. I call the girlfriend, tell her what has happened and that I'll call her after the ordeal is taken care of. She says she understands and will do anything to help. I say thanks and go to my aunt's house. The family is there and decides to go to the funeral home to settle some matters.

We go over to help, and I get a call from the girlfriend. I tell her I'm at the funeral home helping settle legal things and pick out urns, and she decides that then is the time to say "we need to talk, but it can wait until later." Of course I can't let something like that sit, and ask her to tell me what it is. She then goes into how she's upset and hurt etc. I am shocked that she would lie about being fine yesterday, but that she would bring up this issue while I'm at a funeral home discussing what will happen to my just-deceased aunt.

I pray there for a sign from God that I need to break up with her, and later in the night I get a call from the girlfriend still pissed. We have been fighting for about 1 1/2 years now, and she has totally changed from a positive, loving person to a negative, mean, judging individual. I decide that I just can't take it anymore, and tell her that even though I love her with all of my heart, I just can't handle this anymore, and that I don't think we will work out. We hang up, and I suppose it's all over.

Even though this isn't the best place to get opinions I'm sure, I'd just like to hear what you all have to say.
 

UncleDrax

FNG / Fresh Meat
Oct 13, 2005
1,494
60
0
Florida, USA
www.endoftheworldfor.us
Yeap.. sounds like it went downhill.. always a bummer. But if you're just getting out of college, there's plenty of time to find someone else.

Even though this isn't the best place to get opinions I'm sure, I'd just like to hear what you all have to say.

At least you recognize this fact :]
 

LogisticEarth

FNG / Fresh Meat
Sep 24, 2007
831
132
0
Pennsylvania, USA
This happened to me a few months ago also. The girl I was dating for about a year changed from fun-loving to worrying all the time and getting bent out of shape for the littlest things. I regret breaking up sometimes, but I felt a great sense of releif after I finally did it. I took that as a sign it was the right thing to do.

In time, the person might mature, change, become more stable. Unless there was some kind of horrible offense that hurt one of you personally (aside from teh temporary pain of breaking up) it's ok to keep in contact from time to time. Things can always change in the future.
 

SiC-Disaster

FNG / Fresh Meat
Dec 16, 2005
4,891
679
0
34
Netherlands
www.tangodown.nl
Well, if she's become a different person now then what you fell in love with, it might be best this way. Ofcourse i dont know the deeper stuff that goes behind all this, so i'm not one to judge, really.

Ofcourse, it might be a 'pain in the ***' to see her every day after this.
That, i can know. Through my personal experience, it just sucks. I still loved the girl, yet there were no hard feelings after everything was over. She was still nice to me, but because of that, i got hope time and time again, and each time that hope was crushed when she got a new boyfriend etc. That took 4 to 5 years.
And now i've got a similar case, i got to work in a judo training school for school (if that makes sense), and my ex-girlfriend trains there too, so each week i have to see her again for 4 hours, and at first it was pure agony. It's better now though, we even talk and joke again.

My point of all this is, all of this should not hold you back if things dont feel right anymore. It can be awkward and painfull in the beginning, but you shouldnt fool yourself either.
 

Gnasher

FNG / Fresh Meat
Jul 24, 2006
39
0
0
Sussex UK
After 20yrs with the same lass, what Im starting to worry about is that the joke:-

"Q: Why is a Hurricane like a marriage? A: Coz it starts with a load of blowing & sucking & ends up with you loosing your house!"

Wasn't really a joke at all......

TBH it sounds like you have done the best by yourself, what sounds like very selfish insensitivity only ever gets worse over time & is an indication of a person's true character.


:)
 

dogbadger

FNG / Fresh Meat
Aug 19, 2006
3,230
553
0
here to kill your monster
Giving you a call while you are grieving with your family to tell you of her feelings of hurt, which she must be aware will upset you further, suggests to me that she is either very immature, emotionally unstable or a somewhat selfish, insensitive attention-seeker.
I'm not saying that makes her a bad person outright, but I suspect she's not easiest to live with, to say the least.
 

myzko

FNG / Fresh Meat
Like the title says, I broke up with a girlfriend of 3 1/2 years and really need other people to recognize that it was the right move so I don't second-guess myself. I go to college with this girl, and we see each other everyday. So I figured that over christmas break it'd be ok for us to not see each other for at least a few days. I'm starting a job and wanted to get that underway so I could afford gas + car insurance before I went over to see her.

Anyway, she gets mad that I'm not coming over enough, and is acting very jealous and needy. We get into a huge fight and don't talk for about 12 hours. The next day, she calls and explains that it was all a big misunderstanding. I apologize for being a jerk, tell her she's really great and didn't deserve that, I promise I'll come see her and take her out, etc. I ask if everything is ok now, she says yes, and I genuinely think that everything is fine and we say good night (we've dated for over 3 years, I can usually tell when everything is ok).

The next day I get a call that my aunt has died. I call the girlfriend, tell her what has happened and that I'll call her after the ordeal is taken care of. She says she understands and will do anything to help. I say thanks and go to my aunt's house. The family is there and decides to go to the funeral home to settle some matters.

We go over to help, and I get a call from the girlfriend. I tell her I'm at the funeral home helping settle legal things and pick out urns, and she decides that then is the time to say "we need to talk, but it can wait until later." Of course I can't let something like that sit, and ask her to tell me what it is. She then goes into how she's upset and hurt etc. I am shocked that she would lie about being fine yesterday, but that she would bring up this issue while I'm at a funeral home discussing what will happen to my just-deceased aunt.

I pray there for a sign from God that I need to break up with her, and later in the night I get a call from the girlfriend still pissed. We have been fighting for about 1 1/2 years now, and she has totally changed from a positive, loving person to a negative, mean, judging individual. I decide that I just can't take it anymore, and tell her that even though I love her with all of my heart, I just can't handle this anymore, and that I don't think we will work out. We hang up, and I suppose it's all over.

Even though this isn't the best place to get opinions I'm sure, I'd just like to hear what you all have to say.


Yes, break the relationship! Seriously the world is full of these crazy *****es that goes from nice to total meano :(:mad:
 

Reddog

FNG / Fresh Meat
Dec 7, 2005
2,572
476
0
Australia
Sounds like a very self centered girl, I mean to call you while you're at the funeral home and say that. It's pretty sad but **** like that is really becoming the norm in women these days. Character like that really gets my goat personally.

Mate, granted we all know nothing of the fulll deal, but from what you've said here I think you made a great move. Imagine if you'd married her before her true character came out. I say spend the holidays with your friends and family enjoy yourself and gain perspective.
 

SnotRocket

FNG / Fresh Meat
Nov 21, 2005
388
0
0
34
Georgia
Sounds like a very self centered girl, I mean to call you while you're at the funeral home and say that. It's pretty sad but **** like that is really becoming the norm in women these days. Character like that really gets my goat personally.

Mate, granted we all know nothing of the fulll deal, but from what you've said here I think you made a great move. Imagine if you'd married her before her true character came out. I say spend the holidays with your friends and family enjoy yourself and gain perspective.

I've been doing just that. Just started work at the place I worked over summer, good to see some friends there. I feel much better now.
 

Monkwarrior

FNG / Fresh Meat
Nov 21, 2005
1,144
2
0
What does your heart say ?
No not your mind, your heart.

I have learned the same lesson many years ago.
Fighting has nothing to do with good relationships.
Let her go, it's better for both of you.

You made the right choice, next time you'll make that choice sooner I hope ;)

Have a warm and wonderfull Xmas.
Remember there is always a warm and caring person available who loves you the most: yourself.

Monk.
 

myzko

FNG / Fresh Meat
What does your heart say ?
No not your mind, your heart.

I have learned the same lesson many years ago.
Fighting has nothing to do with good relationships.
Let her go, it's better for both of you.

You made the right choice, next time you'll make that choice sooner I hope ;)

Have a warm and wonderfull Xmas.
Remember there is always a warm and caring person available who loves you the most: yourself.

Monk.


Well, in this case I'm pretty sure the heart says "plx no!"

but the mind says "it has to end dammit!:mad:"
 

SchutzeSepp

FNG / Fresh Meat
Sep 23, 2006
1,540
8
0
36
i think i can put myself in the place of your GF, i have the same gf for 3 years now, everything perfect. but this spring she went on school vacation for 10 days in sicily. the day she left my grandmother died, and the day after my other grandmother also died. so i had a hard time, and she was verry supportive, but i didn't want to ruin her holiday so i kept everything inside. when she was back i wanted to see her all the time, and i was really depressed when she didn't do everything so we could see each other. 2 months later she went on vacation to egypt for 2 weeks and thats when evrything came out, i spent the 2 worst weeks in my life, while she had the best time in her life. and when she came back i just wasn't the same anymore, i completely lost confidence in her. and she did some untactfull things that made it worse and at the moment i didn't see how it could work again, because i just couldn't immagine her being nice nad honests to me after what she had made me go through. it was bad for 2 months, but slowly it got better and now its a dream just like before. and im happy we talked about it. she knows i will never forgive her for what shes made me go through, and forgetting is the best i can do. so she never talks about her holiday or anything so i don't get depressed.
what i mean is, that there is probably more then what you think there is.
if it worked well 3 years then there is no reason it cant work anymore, if you both think it is woth the try then you have to talk it out and find out the true cause of this problem.
 

tropsobor

FNG / Fresh Meat
Aug 12, 2006
157
0
0
this happened to me nearly 4 months ago only in my case she is the one who broke off because she was fed up with me. when she said it was over I was devastated and I imagine your girlfriend is too. following this I lost taste for everything. I was completely demoralized, lazy, tired, etc. the thought of doing crazy stuff occurred to me a couple of times...

now, even though I dropped out of college and ruined my family relations over the messy break up, things are starting to get better. I met someone else and even though it's not serious, I'm glad with what I have and we get along better than I ever did with my previous girlfriend.

she may not believe it, but it may really be in her best interest even though it doesn't seem like it at the beginning