Oneliners!

[Astifire]

Sometimes when your team is doing well, or after a particularly awesome kill, or heck, just whenever it feels appropriate, bad puns and oneliners can turn a teeth gritting round of Hell on Earth or Suicidal into a laugh.

Sooo, I figured why not start a thread for some of the funniest, or most badass oneliners you have heard or can think of!

Make Duke Nukem proud!
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Here's a few to start off:

Stop, you have violated the LAW, pay the court a fine or BLOW THE **** UP!

In Soviet Killing Floor, Pipe smokes YOU!

Bite treatment: $30.00. Shotgun shells, $15.00. Quadruple back-flip by a chainsaw-wielding muppet? Priceless. For everything else, there's boomstick.

Use gun. And if that don't work, use more gun. -Engineer.

 

[timur]

Oh...so many LAW ones to be made...

I'd like to see some Crossbow ones, maybe some shotty ones...

perhaps some Enfeild

 

[Zoridium JackL]

with the crossbow just anything religious...

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!!
BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME, I PRONOUNCE THE DEAD
GOD GUIDES MY ARROW
IN THE NAME OF MY FATHER, MY SON, AND THE HOLY CROSSBOW!

so on and so forth.

 

[Astifire]

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!!

Personally I'd have gone with 'THE POWER OF THE CROSS COMPELS YOU" ^^

 

[timur]

with the crossbow just anything religious...

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!!
BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME, I PRONOUNCE THE DEAD
GOD GUIDES MY ARROW
IN THE NAME OF MY FATHER, MY SON, AND THE HOLY CROSSBOW!

so on and so forth.

oh come on, there has to be a few puns, perhaps some vampire jokes!

THATS FOR GODDAMN SPARKLING, TRAITORS!

 

[vealck]

The best ones are the original puns that players use. This one particular dialogue I'll never forget:

-I need some cover!
-How 'bout 'Aces High' by Iron Maiden? (starts humming the song: Na nana na na-na, na nana na na-na...)

Some other:

berserker chased by several crawlers yells to a firebug:
-Need a pest control over here!

-FP's coming, and they're lit like christmas trees!

 

[Lucidius134]

Personally I'd have gone with 'THE POWER OF THE CROSS COMPELS YOU" ^^

The power of the Cross propells you?

"Come 'ere and lemme axe ya sumfin!"

"As SS I decide who lives or dies. I do not wish for you to live anymore.""

Most of the time I just quote the KF one liners cause they're ****ing hilarious.

 

[timur]

aye, the best one-liners are in the heat of the moment.

And then there are the classic 'Axe you a question' and LAW ones, as well as the XMas update ones, which were goddamn hilarious.

 

[Vintage]

Die mother****ers!!!!!

I scream that a lot, but my signature one liner is "Kill everything that moves."

 

[Raziel]

Dual Handcannons:
double the gun - double the fun !

 

[Yin]

but my signature one liner is "Kill everything that moves."

Do you ever join friendly fire servers...? O. O

 

[Zoridium JackL]

Do you ever join friendly fire servers...? O. O

the line still applies... nay, the line ESPECIALLY applies.

 

[C_Gibby]

I prefer bad spoonerisms!

I'ma delding this woah!

Gosh, Lab it while you can, Dads!

It's Toomstick Bime!

Gick! Quill her before she opens her kob!

Erm...

 

[Vintage]

do you ever join friendly fire servers...? O. O

 

[XyzKiller]

Oh Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, but with it thou hast blow thy enemy to tiny bits, in thy mercy.

 

[brick_top1982]

*Fleshpound gets turned into gibs by a L.A.W.*

Fleshpound soup anyone?

 

[mamoo]

"Is that Fleshpound wearing a nappy?"

"It only wants to be pampered..."

 

[Undedd Jester]

YouTube - Evil Dead II - Swallow this!

C'mon, you all know you've said it at some point

 

[Darkwave]

YouTube - Evil Dead II - Swallow this!

C'mon, you all know you've said it at some point

More like , EAT PELLETS YOU TOSSERS!
My signature onliner would be : If it bothers me , it's dead.

 

[Jmb301530]

Oh Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, but with it thou hast blow thy enemy to tiny bits, in thy mercy.

Lol, quite ironic, cause if you play on the Bad Old Timers Slot servers, you can get a HOLY HAND GRENADE, which does exactly what you said...but it also applies to you if you get within a block of it.