Need help from native English speakers

[KrazyKraut]

Alright, I am currently writing my diploma thesis about mobile communities/mobile social networking systems. I have to interview some experts and seeing as how Germany gives me only a limited number of those communities I have to search beyond the borders. To make it short, here are my questions and it'd be great if some native English speakers could spell and grammar check it as well as tell me if what I wrote made any sense



1. General information on the community
1.1. When and where was the community established?
1.2. How many people are working on the community?
1.3. Could you describe the target audience of the community?
1.4. How many members does the community have?

2. Promotion of the community
2.1. What do you do attract new members?
2.2. Are you undertaking any measures to keep existing members’ interests high (e.g. newsletters on what’s going on in the community, etc.)?

3. Functions and usage

Current and future services offered by community:
3.1. What possibilities of self-portrayal does the application offer to its members (profiles, blogs, etc.)?
3.2. How can the user find other members within the network and how can he manage his contacts?
3.3. What possibilities of interaction and communication with other members does the community offer?
3.4. Does the application offer any generic services that are not aimed at interaction between users (e.g. news services)?
3.5. What kinds of new services are planned for the near future?

Usage:
3.6. What functions and services are used most frequently?
3.7. What functions might be dispensable?

4. Revenue model
4.1. Could you outline the revenue model of your community?

 

[Pharnakes]

Alright, I am currently writing my diploma thesis about mobile communities/mobile social networking systems. I have to interview some experts and seeing as how Germany gives me only a limited number of those communities I have to search beyond the borders. To make it short, here are my questions and it'd be great if some native English speakers could spell and grammar check it as well as tell me if what I wrote made any sense



1. General information on the community
1.1. When and where was the community established?
1.2. How many people are working on the community?
1.3. Could you describe the target audience of the community?
1.4. How many members does the community have?

2. Promotion of the community
2.1. What do you do to attract new members?
2.2. Are you undertaking any measures to keep existing members’ interests high (e.g. newsletters on what’s going on in the community, etc.)?

3. Functions and usage

Current and future services offered by the community:
3.1. What possibilities of self-portrayal does the application offer to its members (profiles, blogs, etc.)?
3.2. How can the user find other members within the network and how can he manage his contacts?
3.3. What possibilities of interaction and communication with other members does the community offer?
3.4. Does the application offer any generic services that are not aimed at interaction between users (e.g. news services)?
3.5. What kinds of new services are planned for the near future?

Usage:
3.6. Which functions and services are used most frequently?
3.7. Which functions might be dispensable?

4. Revenue model
4.1. Could you outline the revenue model of your community?

The two mistakes I saw from a quick skim over, I'm too tired atm (and don't have a clue about the subject) to be able to tell if it actualy makes sense, but from a purely gramtical point of view it seems fine.

Also, I don't think it matters if you have a . at the end of brakets, it can be correct either way AFAIK, but choose one and be consistent. Probably you want to keep the periods. I would anyway.


/extreme pedant mode off


EDIT, Adding more as I keep reading it


"How many people are working on the community?"

Depending on what you are asking here, it might be better to say "How many people are working in the community?"

If you would clarify what you mean here, maybe I could help

 

[KrazyKraut]

Ough, can't believe i overlooked those two obvious ones. Thank you. As for the "How many people are working on the community?", I want to know how many employees of their company are occupied developing the applications and keeping the thing running. You know, the size of the whole staff.

 

[Pharnakes]

OK, "on" is probably right in that case.

I wouldn't worry too much though, one thing I always notice reading technical journals and the like is the often very poor standards of literacy in them. At least when you take into account how intelegent the people writing the articles are supposed to be


EDIT: Not entirely happy with: "3.5. What kinds of new services are planned for the near future?" either, it is gramticaly correct, but in a rather casual tone, I would be more inclined to go for "Are any new services planned for the near future?"

 

[aktionman]

As for the "How many people are working on the community?", I want to know how many employees of their company are occupied developing the applications and keeping the thing running. You know, the size of the whole staff.

I want to disagree with Pharnakes here. "On" does not sound right to me. Perhaps it is better to ask:

"How many community members work?"
or
"How many members of the community work?"
or
"How many community members are employed?

I do not know if one should say "work on the community" - it sounds funny, almost like "on top of the community".

If you belong to a community, then you are in the community or a member of the community, I think.

 

[KrazyKraut]

@aktionman
That would create some confusion as "members of the community" is usually the term used to describe the end-users. For example the members of the "Red Orchestra community" would be you and me, not the TWI staff (well they are in a way also members here, but you get the idea).

Maybe I should re-phrase that one altogether.

@Pharnakes
I agree on 3.5 and changed it

What do you guys think of 3.4? I was thinking about putting "enabling" or "faciliating" behind the "at" as I don't know if I can leave it like that (without any verb).

 

[Pharnakes]

@ Aktionman Yes, thats what I thought, but he doesn't seem to be asking how many of the people in the comunity are working, but rather how many are employed by a third party (the "application") to manage the comunity.


Maybe a better phrase would be "how many people are employed to manage the comunity?"


EDITKrazyKraut, yes I would if I was you, probably "faciliating" would be best.

 

[aktionman]

Maybe a better phrase would be "how many people are employed to manage the comunity?"

OK now I understand. Agreed.

3.4 seems fine to me. The example clarifies it.