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KF's British idioms explained


FNG / Fresh Meat
Jun 19, 2009
East Sussex, England
I've seen the British sayings present in KF misconstrude one too many times now, here is a list of what the less conspicuous ones mean.

Get up them apples: Cockney rhyming slang, 'apples and pears'=stairs, Similarly 'Ruby Murray'=curry and 'dog and bone'=phone

It's like Croydon on a friday night: Croydon is a town south of London, it is also a scum ridden peice of ****e. I only ever go there for the Ikea branch.

Knob off you tosspot: A tosspot is a variation of the word tosser, which in turn is a synonym for the word w@nker.

Come on, you want some you ponces?: A ponce is a man who is exceedingly effeminate, the word can be interchangeable with 'camp', in the context of "That guy's a bit camp."

Jesus I'm bleeding like a stuck pig: People used to speed up the death of a wild pig by stabbing it with as many spears as possible, the process eventually became known as 'pig sticking' and the pig in question was a 'stuck pig'.

Gimme a plaster: A plaster is the British term for band-aid.

Hey, Gov'na I'm up to my bloody neck in it here: Cockneys (people from London) sometimes refer to each other as gov'na (the full word being govenor), also sometimes shortened to 'gov'.

Can I scrounge some cash?: Scrounging is constantly asking your peers for things, usually money or food (in the context of a crisp(chip), not a whole meal).

Look out you plonker: A plonker is another word for idiot.

Wake up you pillock: A pillock is also another word for idiot, although tends to be more for idiots/w@nkers.

Time for a car boot sale I feel: A car boot sale is where people set up rickety, cheap tables in the middle of a field and sell their old bits and bobs, in practice its more like trading them because as soon as you've sold something you see something that you just have to buy.

Remember the bleeding Alamo?: Well? DO YOU!?

Reminds me of a bunch of pikies: Pikies are people who live in caravans and generally park where they're not welcome, laybys, car parks etc. A pikie is also an insult for someone who picks up pennies in the street.

You're pathetic like a bunch of bloody Milwall fans: Milwall is a British football team, their fans tend to throw temper tantrums and rip their own stalls apart.

Soft as sh*te: sh*te=sh*t=poo

Wayne Rooney's smarter than you: Rooney is a British footballer, he has the IQ of a gorilla with part of its brain missing and bears a striking resemblance to one.

Smeghead: Smegma is a medical term for something I'd rather not discuss.

Need to borrow my specs mate?: Specs=glasses

You gormless tosser: A gormless person is witless, and pays little attentio to the world around them.

Stay put or I'll stick it where the sun don't bloody shine: AKA...or I'll stick it up your @$$.

Stay put you div: Div=idiot.

Bosh! Door's open: Bosh make tools. Manly tools. Also a Jamie Oliver saying: "Bish bash bosh, real good nosh!" Nosh=food.

You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off: A quote from the Italian Job, if you haven't seen it go and watch it, now.

I'm bleeding knackered: Knackered=Exhausted.

Do something or I'm brown bread: More cockney rhyming slang, brown bread=dead.

Money, money, moneyyyy!: ABBA hit.

Money money moneyyy!
Must be funnyyy!
In a rich man's world!

What is this? Bloody Guy Fawkes?: Guy Fawkes night=Bonfire night. Named so because Fawkes was the conspirator who was assigned to light the fuse and the first to be caught.

You're all fur-coat, no knickers b*tches: Knickers are a British word for panties, this phrase is basically an alternative to calling the specimens prostitutes.

Scarper: Run like f*ck! Also cockney rhyming slang, Scarper flow-go. Scarper flow is some estuary in Scotland...Or whatever.

Who do you think you are, bleeding Action Man?: Action Man is a platic figurine sold in Britain, think GI Joe. Except the knowing half of the battle has been replaced with a speedboat and an assaut rifle.

Puttin' the wood in the 'ole, Gov'na!: Basically means shutting the door. Wood = Door, Hole = Doorframe.

Other pleasing rhyming slang:

Adam and Eve: Believe, "I don't bloody Adam and Eve it!"
Alan Whickers: Knickers, "keep yer bloody Alans on mate!"
Apple Fritter: Bitter (beer), "I'm goin' to get me an apple at the pub."
Aris: Arse (***), "Nice Aris gal!"
Army and navy: Gravy, "Get some army on them roasties."
Artful dodger: Lodger, "I've got an Artful in the spare room."
Aryton Senner: Tenner, "You owe me an Aryton."
Bacon and eggs: Legs, "That's a lovely set of bacon's on that there gal!"
Bang Allan Border: Bang out of order, "That's just bang Allan!"
Barn owl (Barney): Row (Argument), "I had a Barney 'cos me artful refused to pay me the Aryton."
Barnet fair: Hair, "You've got some bird sh*te in yer barnet."
Boat race: Face, "He got walloped in the boat."
Battle Cruiser: Boozer (Pub), "I'm goin' down the battle, you in?"
Bottle and glass: Arse (***), "He fell on his bottle!"
Brass bands: Hands, "C'mon gov! Shake me by the brass!"
Bread and honey: Money, "Me artful still owes me a load o' bread."
Britney Spears: Beers, "Comin' down the battle? the Britney's are on me!"
Bubble bath: Laugh, "Yer 'avin a bubble, ain'cha?!"
Butcher's hook: Look, "Take a butcher's at that!"
Chevy Chase: Face, "He took a wallop to the Chevy, he did."
China plate: Mate, "How are you, me ol' china?"
Christian Slater: Later, "See ya Slater!"
Cream crackered: Knackered, "I'm cream crackered!"
Currant bun: Sun, "The currant bun's out."
Daisy roots: Boots, "Get yer daisies on."
Danny Marr: Car, "Me Danny's cream crackered!"
David Gower: Shower, "Give us a minute, gotta have a David."
Dicky bird: Word, "He hasn't said a dicky all night."
Dog and bone: Phone, "Sorry mate, the mrs. is always on the dog."
Donkey's ears: Years, "I haven't seen Dave in Donkeys!"
Drum 'n' bass: Face, "John just took a wallop to the drum!"
Dudley Moore: Score (
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Grizzled Veteran
Apr 30, 2009
Sub-Level 12
Monty Python wasn't good for many things, but I am up on my idioms at least. Is that the secret to cockney slang? That bit from Ocean's Eleven now actually makes sense. Sort of like Thieves Cant, when you think on it.


Smeghead: Smeg make fridges and other things.
Even decoded this doesn't make much sense to me.
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FNG / Fresh Meat
Jun 12, 2009
here is one that you need to clear up for me

"You're all fur coat and no knickers b!tches"
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FNG / Fresh Meat
May 21, 2009
It's a made up 4 letter swear word from Red Dwarf. They use it in replacement of a real swear word.

The claim they made it up themselves and it's not short for anything, but I still think it's a short for smegma, which as you know is the medical term for dick cheese
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FNG / Fresh Meat
Jun 19, 2009
East Sussex, England
Nenjin: It's basically saying you have the brains of a fridge.

You're all fur coat no knickers *****es has been added to the list.
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FNG / Fresh Meat
Nov 27, 2009
OP is awesome. Thanks for that. To be honest, I couldn't even tell what they were saying most of the time, even though everybody understands the meaning...


VP, Tripwire Int.
Oct 17, 2005
Roswell, GA
Smeg is, indeed, ripped from Red Dwarf. They can claim they made it up all they like, but "Smegma" is indeed a term for the smelly bits on your c*ck, when you can't be bothered to wash it. The Red Dwarf team probably did coin the term "smeghead", though. Smeg IS also a brand of electrical goods from Sweden (I think), which lead to much tittering from the English when they started selling in the UK with lines like "keep your food fresh with smeg"!

"All fur coat and no knickers" is a Geordie term for "rich ****". The type of girl who, guess what, wears a fur coat, but no knickers (panties).

Millwall fans are/were famed for being thicker than most, including the demolition of their own ground on one occassion, when they were so desperate for things to throw at the opposing fans that they tore the seats out of the stand.

Guy (Guido) Fawkes wasn't the head conspirator: he was the volunteer (moron) who stayed behind to light the fuze on the large number of barrels of gunpowder that had been hidden in the basement of the Parliament building. He was discovered, captured, tortured and then burnt at the stake. Us Brits now commemorate this on 5th November each year by burning a "Guy" on a bonfire and throwing fireworks at each other.

Please to remember
On 5th of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot
[Can't remember the rest!]


FNG / Fresh Meat
Jun 19, 2009
East Sussex, England
I thought it was 'remember remember' not 'please to remember'?

Also, I think the fur coat no knickers bit is a little misleading because the way the *****es bit is emphasised makes it sound like it's a side note, rather than part of the anallergy.

Didn't Wallace and Gromit have a 'smug' fridge in one of the episodes?


FNG / Fresh Meat
Aug 10, 2009
Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,

I see no reason

Why the Gunpowder Treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent

To blow up the King and Parli'ment.

Three-score barrels of powder below

To prove old England's overthrow;

By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holla boys, Holla boys, let the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
And what should we do with him? Burn him!
Loadsa Money - Harry Enfield, comedian (First link is youtube, tinyurled because the forum wanted to imbed the damn video)


FNG / Fresh Meat
Dec 29, 2009
Now who can explain why wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and terrorizing people on the internet is cool? ;) Just kidding.

Awesome, I asked my English teacher what a "Gormless tosser" is today, and even she didn't know. I'll be sure to tell her. :cool:


FNG / Fresh Meat
Nov 20, 2009
Behind You!
"keep your food fresh with smeg"!

wait what, let me read it again


Omfg xD, and they wonder why we Finnish ppl hate Swedish.

Bosh! Door's open: Bosh make tools. Manly tools. Also a Jamie Oliver saying: "Bish bash bosh, real good nosh!" Nosh=food.
Oh, me and my brother always used to joke around that they are secretly advertising "Bosch", which makes all kinds of electrical appliances or "manly tools". So is this actually Bosh not Bosch?

Thanks for the explanations on these phrases, I didnt really understand half of them until now >_>
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FNG / Fresh Meat
Jun 19, 2009
East Sussex, England
Oh, me and my brother always used to joke around that they are secretly advertising "Bosch", which makes all kinds of electrical appliances or "manly tools". So is this actually Bosh not Bosch?

Thanks for the explanations on these phrases, I didnt really understand half of them until now >_>
I dunno whether its Bosh or Bosch, but the onomatopoeia 'bosh' is spelled that way so I assume the tools are.

Alternatively the people could just shout "Black and Decker! Door's open!"


FNG / Fresh Meat
Aug 5, 2009
Ohhh Milwal fans... I always thought they were saying Narwhal fans, like the whale with the horn. It is slightly less puzzling now. Most of it is pretty self explanatory though. I hadn't remembered the Italian Job line until you mentioned it.

When I hit the Run Away button sometimes they yell either Skarpa, Scarva, or, Skarfa. Something that sounds like that. I am guessing that means flee or maybe is the name of some old mariner or knight who got famous for running from battle? That is my guess.