A good start, but a few tweaks could have made it far far better:
- Why would there be keys inside a locked van? If the van was unlocked then it would seem more plausible to check.
- Either the mic you're using is rubbish or the room you recorded it in is; the voice sounds very washed out and isn't particularly clear, almost like it's being recoded in a small room without sound proofing.
- The bit at 0:50 makes no sense, I presume he's checking if the area is secured, but once satisfied with the lock, he holsters his weapon only to move to the next area which is completely unsecured? In fact, why does he keep holstering his weapon at all.
- The camera exposure is pretty poor, while in other areas it's done very well. Like at 1:30, very cool stuff, but then at 1:40, what is that? The colour range appears to be black or white. Same thing at 2:13/4:06/etc, you should control the camera's exposure better.
- At 3:49 why is he seemingly surprised his weapon is out of ammo? Plus, the amount he fumbles around to get a new magazine is pretty silly considering he becomes a reloading ninja at 4:39. In fact, so good that he can push an invisible magazine into the hammer and still have it load!
- The line said after the bloat fight is pretty cheesy, which is fine. But if you want comedy I'd have made is so when he answered the phone it radio spammed him with all the taunts and such in KF.
- The scene with the phone didn't make any sense and it didn't add anything. If this dude is part of some team sent to clean the place up then why is he confused about who that could have been on the phone? The only confusing thing is why there was a phone there and why it was ringing, but this isn't a good confusion because it's completely out of place. Maybe if he took the phone from the body then it'd be more plausible.
- The last scene could have been improved: the visual of him walking away is great, but the audio is soo cheesy and b-movie like, seriously: 'I will repay the favour, even if it kills me'?? How can you repay it if you're dead.
The best bit about this was the camera placement which was mostly good, if the exposure and audio were fixed and the lines made to not be so cheesy then this would have been great. I'd suggest you guys study some other films of a similar nature and take ideas on how to make scenes more suspenseful and how to make the narrative more engaging. I look forward to seeing more episodes!
- Why would there be keys inside a locked van? If the van was unlocked then it would seem more plausible to check.
- Either the mic you're using is rubbish or the room you recorded it in is; the voice sounds very washed out and isn't particularly clear, almost like it's being recoded in a small room without sound proofing.
- The bit at 0:50 makes no sense, I presume he's checking if the area is secured, but once satisfied with the lock, he holsters his weapon only to move to the next area which is completely unsecured? In fact, why does he keep holstering his weapon at all.
- The camera exposure is pretty poor, while in other areas it's done very well. Like at 1:30, very cool stuff, but then at 1:40, what is that? The colour range appears to be black or white. Same thing at 2:13/4:06/etc, you should control the camera's exposure better.
- At 3:49 why is he seemingly surprised his weapon is out of ammo? Plus, the amount he fumbles around to get a new magazine is pretty silly considering he becomes a reloading ninja at 4:39. In fact, so good that he can push an invisible magazine into the hammer and still have it load!
- The line said after the bloat fight is pretty cheesy, which is fine. But if you want comedy I'd have made is so when he answered the phone it radio spammed him with all the taunts and such in KF.
- The scene with the phone didn't make any sense and it didn't add anything. If this dude is part of some team sent to clean the place up then why is he confused about who that could have been on the phone? The only confusing thing is why there was a phone there and why it was ringing, but this isn't a good confusion because it's completely out of place. Maybe if he took the phone from the body then it'd be more plausible.
- The last scene could have been improved: the visual of him walking away is great, but the audio is soo cheesy and b-movie like, seriously: 'I will repay the favour, even if it kills me'?? How can you repay it if you're dead.
The best bit about this was the camera placement which was mostly good, if the exposure and audio were fixed and the lines made to not be so cheesy then this would have been great. I'd suggest you guys study some other films of a similar nature and take ideas on how to make scenes more suspenseful and how to make the narrative more engaging. I look forward to seeing more episodes!
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