Appalling lack of realism in this game...
- Thread starter Oleg Volk
- Start date
[RO]Wilsonam said:[/list]To pick up on your points in sequence:
1. We're working with Logitech on their G25 keyboard - this will not only be wireless, with its own LCD display, but will also have the new "Whiffo"(TM) add-on. This enables us to trigger suitable odours from your keyboard. These will include the smell of majorka to make it harder for Russians to creep up on the enemy; a full face of diesel fumes if you are inside a T-34 as it starts up; burnt flesh for those nice brew-ups in a Pz IV; not forgetting the all-important "ohgodishatmypantsyoubastard" smell when someone fires a burst from an SMG right behind you.
2. This is just fine now, so long as you have bought the Almstrom SoundBooster: this new Swedish plug-in pumps a full 60 watts per channel through your headphones. Any ear-bleeding is your own problem.
3. We will be bringing in the facility to have a German NCO scream at you when you spawn; you will not be able to join the action until you have hit the "cry" button repeatedly. For the Soviets, we were actually going to use the motif of a Commissar reading you one of Comrade Stalin's speeches until you cry with joy at the prospect of laying down your life for your beloved leader.
4. I have to say that I think you are being silly on this point. The T-34 only had 4 forward gears. However, the next patch will contain double-declutching and stalling, so that we can see tanks kangaroo-hopping all over the place as panicky American drivers, who don't even know what a clutch is, try to wreck their engines.
There are some other ideas we are trying to work in:
1. We'll keep you glued to the keyboard for about 2 years, without letting you see your family, to "get you in the mood" for the Eastern Front.
2. Every so often, we'll turn your air con to "freezeyournutsoff" for an hour or two until your fingers turn blue, then black
3. A percentage of both sides will be randomly electrocuted through their keyboards, to ensure everyone is paying attention and not trying to sneak away. We may also pick whole clans to deport to the East (why was it that BOTH sides sent everyone "east" to get rid of them??)
Enough silliness - nice pics, Oleg, even if (as a wishy-washy liberal Euro-pussy) I'll never agree about bloody guns!
My sides hurt from laughing so hard! Great post!
That was a hilarious read.
Nice write-ups guys...now a word about tanks.
If you include the Whiffo keyboard olfactory support, I must insist that farting in the tank must be included. I have it on good account that this was the second most feared thing that could happen in a tank, with a point blank Faust being the first.
Imagine, in the middle of a pitched battle, the CO let's cut one of those liverwurst and cheese air biscuits up in the turret.
Rather face a Tiger II on an open field with a can opener.
Nice write-ups guys...now a word about tanks.
If you include the Whiffo keyboard olfactory support, I must insist that farting in the tank must be included. I have it on good account that this was the second most feared thing that could happen in a tank, with a point blank Faust being the first.
Imagine, in the middle of a pitched battle, the CO let's cut one of those liverwurst and cheese air biscuits up in the turret.
Rather face a Tiger II on an open field with a can opener.
What, a war simulator and no ability to go to the toilet! This is an outrage tripwire! (notice my evil uncapitialisation of your name muahahaha) There will be lawsuits! counter lawsuits! counter counter lawsuits even!
Oh and we also need a feature so that when you get beat to death in game, a RO dev teleports to your house, and punches you in the face.
Oh and we also need a feature so that when you get beat to death in game, a RO dev teleports to your house, and punches you in the face.
Thanks a lot man. I was laughing so hard I fell of my chair and skinned my knee.[RO]Wilsonam said:[/list]To pick up on your points in sequence:
1. We're working with Logitech on their G25 keyboard - this will not only be wireless, with its own LCD display, but will also have the new "Whiffo"(TM) add-on. This enables us to trigger suitable odours from your keyboard. These will include the smell of majorka to make it harder for Russians to creep up on the enemy; a full face of diesel fumes if you are inside a T-34 as it starts up; burnt flesh for those nice brew-ups in a Pz IV; not forgetting the all-important "ohgodishatmypantsyoubastard" smell when someone fires a burst from an SMG right behind you.
2. This is just fine now, so long as you have bought the Almstrom SoundBooster: this new Swedish plug-in pumps a full 60 watts per channel through your headphones. Any ear-bleeding is your own problem.
3. We will be bringing in the facility to have a German NCO scream at you when you spawn; you will not be able to join the action until you have hit the "cry" button repeatedly. For the Soviets, we were actually going to use the motif of a Commissar reading you one of Comrade Stalin's speeches until you cry with joy at the prospect of laying down your life for your beloved leader.
4. I have to say that I think you are being silly on this point. The T-34 only had 4 forward gears. However, the next patch will contain double-declutching and stalling, so that we can see tanks kangaroo-hopping all over the place as panicky American drivers, who don't even know what a clutch is, try to wreck their engines.
There are some other ideas we are trying to work in:
1. We'll keep you glued to the keyboard for about 2 years, without letting you see your family, to "get you in the mood" for the Eastern Front.
2. Every so often, we'll turn your air con to "freezeyournutsoff" for an hour or two until your fingers turn blue, then black
3. A percentage of both sides will be randomly electrocuted through their keyboards, to ensure everyone is paying attention and not trying to sneak away. We may also pick whole clans to deport to the East (why was it that BOTH sides sent everyone "east" to get rid of them??)
Enough silliness - nice pics, Oleg, even if (as a wishy-washy liberal Euro-pussy) I'll never agree about bloody guns!
![[TW]Wilsonam](/data/avatars/s/0/10.jpg?1568638684){kind=avatar}
[TW]Wilsonam
VP, Tripwire Int.
You haven't seen the chocolate log on Odessa? That was one of the testers' best efforts!Onion said:
![[TW]schneidzekk](/data/avatars/s/0/1.jpg?1568638684){kind=avatar}
haha, this thread has made my day
oh and btw, snipers had diapers, or whatever clothes they wore
oh and btw, snipers had diapers, or whatever clothes they wore
