Working on translating some stuff on Tigers and Shermans, the Tiger one is still in the works, here's the "History of the Sherman Tank" from
[url]http://armor.kiev.ua/humor/txt/sherman.php[/URL]
Written by I. Koshkin, translated by yours truly:
History of the Sherman tank begins in 1939. It was then that the U.S. military, somewhat stunned by the scale of the tank battles in the Old World , suddenly remembered that the U.S. Army had barely three hundred of these useful machines. And most of the European tanks would be ashamed to even share a hangar with those. The Army urgently demanded a medium tank. We must say that until now American designers did not make medium tanks, and did not know how the latter should be different, for example, from light tanks. Guided mainly by rumors that spies passed on as intelligence, the designers decided that a meduim tank should be bigger than a light one and have more powerful weapons. What was considered powerful armament in Europe was not known, so it was decided to simply plug eight machine guns into the tank and see what happens. Thus the medium tank M2 was born. It is known that a out of the six-member committee of the Department of Artillery that first saw the new tank, three shot themselves, two fainted, and one became agitated and nearly killed the chief designer. As a result, instead of 1,000 tanks, USA built fewer than a hundred, and hid them from anyone's sight to escape embarrassment. A number of them later sent to the USSR. Russians were having a tough time against Germans somewhere on the Volga River, and were ready to consider anything a tank, as long as it had caterpillars and a hole to shoot out of.
As for America, Russian Design process management methods were considered objectionable, so none of the designers were shot, and they weren't even even exiled to the Yukon. However, the Army still needed a medium tank with powerful weapons.
One of the designers, whose brother fought in England on a Hurricane, offered to bring the number of machineguns up to twelve, but it was already clear to everyone that the main weapon of the tank has to be a cannon. The question of where is should be placed remained open, however. Part of the designers, the so-called " turreters", considered that, according to the latest trends, the gun should be located in the turret. The other, "hullists" were ridiculing them, arguing that only an idiot would stick a powerful gun into a weird rotating thing. In their opinion, the best place for a three-inch gun will be some small protrusion on the front hull. As a result of a compromise decision, the tank got two guns, the bigger one on the hull, and a smaller one in the turret. Also, the evil "hullists" played a prank on the "turreters" - the night before final test they attached a smaller machinegun turret to the top of the first one. This meant something like "if you like turrets so much - here's another one, try not to choke". Tank was named "M3 General Lee", although many objected, believing that this could be seen as a Chinese influence.
This time, none of the members of the commission shot themselves, and only one fainted, which was considered to be a good sign. The tanks were sent to Africa, where at the time Rommel was chasing the British around the deserts, stopping only to put on sun cream and drink some water. Driven as far as Cairo, the British politely accepted the gift from overseas, although their thoughts likely were not as polite. The effectiveness of the tank in the field surpassed all expectations: during the first combat encounter, crews of three new Pz IIIJ died of laughter and left the battlefield to the British. Tank was pointedly called "the last hope of Egypt", to which one of the British tankers grimly said that if Egypt can only rely on THIS, the Empire is finished. Soon American tank crews also arrived in the the theater. Very soon, they demanded that they be given a tank with one gun, located in the turret. Many of the engineers objected to such revolutionary redesign, rightly pointing out that in such a tank it will be impossible to play basketball, and the plans to install a shower would also have to be nixed. But tankers stood their ground, pointing out that they are ashamed to fight in tanks which are laughed at by their British and German counterparts. General Patton sided with the tankers, promising to shoot the Chief Designer with his famous personal revolver with a pearl handles, so the engineers crunched a bit, and at last produced a normal tank.
This tank like a mirror reflected all the features of the American tank building school. In particular, Americans believed that the height of the tank must always exceed its width. In addition, one of them, who had gone on a trip to Russia, argued that the gun should be as short as possible, so as not to stick in the ground when going over potholes. Therefore, the designers used a very short gun of the kind Germans or Russians would have been ashamed to put in a tank at that point of time. The new tank was named Sherman and sent to Africa to finish off the Germans. The M3 Lee tanks were again given to Russia - the Russians were getting ready for a major scuffle at some salient with an unpronounceable name, and they were willing to take any self-propelled shed, as long as it had a gun. The Germans were fighting stubbornly, and their newest monstrosities called "Tiger" taught the U.S. tankers a common wisdom: "Tanks should not be fighting other tanks. At least not Tigers." American tank crews felt a bit cheated - seemed that they finally got a medium tank with the turret and all, but again, something is lacking.
The landing in Sicily gave American tank crews new combat experience, which was that you can knock out any tank if you surround it and shoot in the ***, and that attacking an enemy that does not have enough anti-tank weapons is fun.
The landing in France loomed ahead...
Meanwhile the Russians had finally straightened their incomprehensible salient, and told the Allies that Tiger is bad, but the Germans have another cat, "Panther", and that one is much worse. And generally, in light of the Russian experience, the longer the gun on a tank - the better it copes with enemy tanks. Designers, taught by experience, began to move faster, and just in time for the Normandy landings presented two Sherman prototypes with long guns (by American standards, anyway). But the military contemptuously rejected the new tanks, and landing craft cheerfully disgorged Shermans with short guns.
The first clash with German armor caused a flurry of letters from the tank crewmen to the engineers. The content of most of them came down to the enumeration of things tankers will do to the engineers, provided they manage to come back alive. We must say that the cunning British, having received Shermans from the Americans, have put very long anti-tank guns on em and now boldly fought the Germans. The Americans were forced to resort to all sorts of tactics, military cunning and meanness. For example, one battalion of Shermans feigned a retreat to lure several Panthers to the beach. Having crested the dunes, Panthers saw the main caliber guns of the battleship "Nelson". The Battleship grinned and said, " Well well, who's hurting the little ones" and instantly vaporized two Panthers, forcing the rest to flee. But, of course, this could not last for long - the Sherman needed a more powerful gun. However, during comparative tests it was found that the long gun had a weaker explosive charge, less ammo, and in general, threw up smoke and dust. The military began to argue. Some have argued that the tanks are not supposed to fight other tanks and general, preference for long barrels hints at repressed desires of a sexual kind. Others, especially those who had to sit in Shermans under fire from Panthers, would become physically violent and shout that they
[url]http://armor.kiev.ua/humor/txt/sherman.php[/URL]
Written by I. Koshkin, translated by yours truly:
History of the Sherman tank begins in 1939. It was then that the U.S. military, somewhat stunned by the scale of the tank battles in the Old World , suddenly remembered that the U.S. Army had barely three hundred of these useful machines. And most of the European tanks would be ashamed to even share a hangar with those. The Army urgently demanded a medium tank. We must say that until now American designers did not make medium tanks, and did not know how the latter should be different, for example, from light tanks. Guided mainly by rumors that spies passed on as intelligence, the designers decided that a meduim tank should be bigger than a light one and have more powerful weapons. What was considered powerful armament in Europe was not known, so it was decided to simply plug eight machine guns into the tank and see what happens. Thus the medium tank M2 was born. It is known that a out of the six-member committee of the Department of Artillery that first saw the new tank, three shot themselves, two fainted, and one became agitated and nearly killed the chief designer. As a result, instead of 1,000 tanks, USA built fewer than a hundred, and hid them from anyone's sight to escape embarrassment. A number of them later sent to the USSR. Russians were having a tough time against Germans somewhere on the Volga River, and were ready to consider anything a tank, as long as it had caterpillars and a hole to shoot out of.
As for America, Russian Design process management methods were considered objectionable, so none of the designers were shot, and they weren't even even exiled to the Yukon. However, the Army still needed a medium tank with powerful weapons.
One of the designers, whose brother fought in England on a Hurricane, offered to bring the number of machineguns up to twelve, but it was already clear to everyone that the main weapon of the tank has to be a cannon. The question of where is should be placed remained open, however. Part of the designers, the so-called " turreters", considered that, according to the latest trends, the gun should be located in the turret. The other, "hullists" were ridiculing them, arguing that only an idiot would stick a powerful gun into a weird rotating thing. In their opinion, the best place for a three-inch gun will be some small protrusion on the front hull. As a result of a compromise decision, the tank got two guns, the bigger one on the hull, and a smaller one in the turret. Also, the evil "hullists" played a prank on the "turreters" - the night before final test they attached a smaller machinegun turret to the top of the first one. This meant something like "if you like turrets so much - here's another one, try not to choke". Tank was named "M3 General Lee", although many objected, believing that this could be seen as a Chinese influence.
This time, none of the members of the commission shot themselves, and only one fainted, which was considered to be a good sign. The tanks were sent to Africa, where at the time Rommel was chasing the British around the deserts, stopping only to put on sun cream and drink some water. Driven as far as Cairo, the British politely accepted the gift from overseas, although their thoughts likely were not as polite. The effectiveness of the tank in the field surpassed all expectations: during the first combat encounter, crews of three new Pz IIIJ died of laughter and left the battlefield to the British. Tank was pointedly called "the last hope of Egypt", to which one of the British tankers grimly said that if Egypt can only rely on THIS, the Empire is finished. Soon American tank crews also arrived in the the theater. Very soon, they demanded that they be given a tank with one gun, located in the turret. Many of the engineers objected to such revolutionary redesign, rightly pointing out that in such a tank it will be impossible to play basketball, and the plans to install a shower would also have to be nixed. But tankers stood their ground, pointing out that they are ashamed to fight in tanks which are laughed at by their British and German counterparts. General Patton sided with the tankers, promising to shoot the Chief Designer with his famous personal revolver with a pearl handles, so the engineers crunched a bit, and at last produced a normal tank.
This tank like a mirror reflected all the features of the American tank building school. In particular, Americans believed that the height of the tank must always exceed its width. In addition, one of them, who had gone on a trip to Russia, argued that the gun should be as short as possible, so as not to stick in the ground when going over potholes. Therefore, the designers used a very short gun of the kind Germans or Russians would have been ashamed to put in a tank at that point of time. The new tank was named Sherman and sent to Africa to finish off the Germans. The M3 Lee tanks were again given to Russia - the Russians were getting ready for a major scuffle at some salient with an unpronounceable name, and they were willing to take any self-propelled shed, as long as it had a gun. The Germans were fighting stubbornly, and their newest monstrosities called "Tiger" taught the U.S. tankers a common wisdom: "Tanks should not be fighting other tanks. At least not Tigers." American tank crews felt a bit cheated - seemed that they finally got a medium tank with the turret and all, but again, something is lacking.
The landing in Sicily gave American tank crews new combat experience, which was that you can knock out any tank if you surround it and shoot in the ***, and that attacking an enemy that does not have enough anti-tank weapons is fun.
The landing in France loomed ahead...
Meanwhile the Russians had finally straightened their incomprehensible salient, and told the Allies that Tiger is bad, but the Germans have another cat, "Panther", and that one is much worse. And generally, in light of the Russian experience, the longer the gun on a tank - the better it copes with enemy tanks. Designers, taught by experience, began to move faster, and just in time for the Normandy landings presented two Sherman prototypes with long guns (by American standards, anyway). But the military contemptuously rejected the new tanks, and landing craft cheerfully disgorged Shermans with short guns.
The first clash with German armor caused a flurry of letters from the tank crewmen to the engineers. The content of most of them came down to the enumeration of things tankers will do to the engineers, provided they manage to come back alive. We must say that the cunning British, having received Shermans from the Americans, have put very long anti-tank guns on em and now boldly fought the Germans. The Americans were forced to resort to all sorts of tactics, military cunning and meanness. For example, one battalion of Shermans feigned a retreat to lure several Panthers to the beach. Having crested the dunes, Panthers saw the main caliber guns of the battleship "Nelson". The Battleship grinned and said, " Well well, who's hurting the little ones" and instantly vaporized two Panthers, forcing the rest to flee. But, of course, this could not last for long - the Sherman needed a more powerful gun. However, during comparative tests it was found that the long gun had a weaker explosive charge, less ammo, and in general, threw up smoke and dust. The military began to argue. Some have argued that the tanks are not supposed to fight other tanks and general, preference for long barrels hints at repressed desires of a sexual kind. Others, especially those who had to sit in Shermans under fire from Panthers, would become physically violent and shout that they
