Why am I such a failure?

I see myself as a failure when it comes to modding Killing Floor. I know UScript works, but whenever I go to write code, I always have to reference other code to know what I should input, I try to implent ideas into my mod, and nothing comes, I don't know what I'm doing, and if I try to to do it and actually type something, it never works. Lets talk about my stupid ****ty mod that I have been fooling around with for the past 2 years or so. It's basically one and a half maps. The first one is called Outskirts, basically a road with stopped cargo trains blocking the ends and an abandoned one next to the road, on the other side of the road is a forest. There are a few cars on the road, and dry grass line the outside of the road, there is also a makeshift barricade set up next to the truck made up of metal sheets, wood, fences, etc... I know that what I've created is actually decent, but I don't really think it meets my standards. It's missing meshes like railway crossing signs, variety in train cars, transmission towers, messy power lines with the cable support surrounded by a yellow tube, dead bushes, terrain, all the stuff you would see in real life. I would make my own custom things and replace all the KF crap with my own stuff so I'm not stuck with the 50+ resources the game only has, but there is really no choice at the moment. I am actually expecting the previously listed things from my friend but he's been off steam for about a week now and it's really pissing me off. The_Sorrow managed to create this other half map in like no time at all, pretty much all by himself, it's called Mines, and it looks so much better than much ****ty work, and he wasn't even that experienced with UnrealEd at the time. By is this? Why is that I've been dicking around with my stupid *** lame work for almost 3 years and got like nothing done, and he is able to make this awesome map in a week or two? Why can't I grab a concept? Why can't I actually just make something that is worth my time? I hate my work with a passion. I've showed it off to so many people and they seem to love it, except me! I want to just smash my harddrive right now because I realized that my only passion and reason I feel happy is turning out to be a big waste of time. Everytime I try to create a map, I toss it away, I've seen new people come to the forums, give a go at mapping and then completely wipe my off the face of the earth, meanwhile here I am dragging my mouse around the Unreal Editor interface rebuilding the level every 2 seconds because the only thing I do is play around with the sunlight actor. I don't want my work, I want somebody else to have it, I'll just end up destroying it, it's going nowhere, it never has, there is no storyline, the maps are unplayable for gameplay purposes. If I knew I would have wasted all this time ****ing around on this stupid *** program for the past 3 years and then come to realize my only passion and thing that I've ever created that was "good" turned out to be the failure it currently is, I would have swallowed that entire bottle of tylenol without thinking twice.
I'll upload the mod, feel free to download it and laugh at my ****ty work that isn't even worth any bit of my time anymore because I hate it so much.