Murphy laws of Killing Floor

[Fedorov]

-The trader always close before you get to buy your weapon.

-Selling your weapon to buy a new one is never enough.

-When playing as commando, stalker squads always come when you are reloading.

-When everything is going perfect for the whole game, you'll get a spawn of 3 Fleshpounds in the last wave... and someone will enrage them.

-Patriarch always spawns in front of someone.

-There is never time to organize against the Patriarch.

-You wrongly believe that you have enough HP to survive that hit from the gorefast.

-You always throw your grenades at screaming sirens.

-Your only Sharpshooter has an M14.

-As a medic, as soon as you throw your medic darts, your friend dodges them and dies.

-As berserker, everything you end up fighting are annoying crawlers.

-If you die as commando, you always take that last hit from a stalker.

-You'll find an armor vest right after you buy one.

-Blowing up is the first cause of death among Demos.

-There is always a nade opening the door for the patriarch to escape.

-If you get disconnected for whatever reason, don't even try coming back, someone has already replaced you.

 

[Olivier]

With the title, I thought this was the laws of Murphy (the mapper on the forum)

Edit:
-You will lose half of your partners when the server will change to the next map.

-A late-joiner that dies the same round, will ragequit.

-When you want money, you have to hit others with your knife.

-You'll be wiped out, if at least 2 lvl 3 (or lower join) your server (suicidal).

-You always stack grenades in front of the Fleshpound or Scrake, but he always avoid them by going either left or right.

-You will die before you'll have no more LAW rockets.

-You never join the server you want to because you can't stop the refreshing.

-You always throw your grenades right on the zeds, but you will always forget that they will still be moving. So your grenade will be useless.

-The ZED-time will be annoying if you have a Commando lvl 6 or a Berseker lvl 6 on your team.

-The Medic is always the last man standing.

-One of your teammate will Epic-Lag at the worst moment (2x FP on suicidal).

 

[RunningRabbit]

Actually, for me it's more like-

-All your deaths will say 'Was killed by a Crawler'

-Grenades always miss and kill the Clots behind the Enraged Fleshpound.

-As Demo, someone will set off your Pipes while you're running from a Scrake, only to kill you.

-In a team with 3 SharpShooters playing as Medic, you're the only one with a Crossbow.

-You are always 25 bucks short of the Scar as Commando.

-The LAW is designed to kill it's user, regardless of Perk level.

-You're always the only one watching the back door.

-As Medic, the Fleshpound will always come after you. ALWAYS.

-If you join Biotics late, everyone assumes you need to be knifed into submission.

-You always pelt your surrounded friend with Grenades only to find he's already killed everything around him.

-Always last alive when you join at the last round, with an empty gun and a Knife, stabbing Kevin like a mad man.

 

[Undedd Jester]

- you fight off 2 fleshpounds single handed as a Support Specialist, only to have 2 sirens spawn immediately around the corner and ear rape you.

- A husk will always hit you regardless of range when your on less than half health, and will miss otherwise.

- The Sharpshooter will always miss the headshot on a fleshpound when its going for anyone else but him.

- Whenever a firebug goes for a mob ignition, a Fleshpound will wander in line of the shot and rage.

- A headless bloat will die just as it steps on a pipe bomb.

- Just as you lay a pipe bomb down for a scrake, someone in your team will inevitably rage him and cause him to charge headlong into you while your still in the blast radius.

- Your medic will MP7M no scope and hit everytime you have 50+ health, and miss otherwise

- Gorefasts will never ever be critical headshotted at close range.

- As medic your decision to reload will happen simulataneously with a close range siren scream

- When you unweld a door being attacked by specimens, no matter how quickly you can uwweld a specimen will always break the door as you reach 1%

Finally
- The Patriarch always drops to his knee the moment after he fires a rocket at you

 

[nutterbutter]

- A husk will always hit you regardless of range when your on less than half health, and will miss otherwise.

That's the damn truth. It just isn't KF without some husk popping me from across the map and burning 20% of my armor at the start of a wave.

Or while running for my health, a husk popping me with a perfect shot from across the map, from a different level, and through an opening in a guardrail.

 

[Fedorov]

- Gorefasts will never ever be critical headshotted at close range.

this is specially true for Bloats

 

[No Glory]

With the title, I thought this was the laws of Murphy (the mapper on the forum)

Well, there already is the religion of Murphites

 

[Olivier]

Well, there already is the religion of Murphites

All Hail to Murphy!!

 

[Uurastaja]

- Late-joiners always beg for money at the beginning of their first wave. And when you have given them all your dosh, they die and leave.

 

[Olivier]

Well, there already is the religion of Murphites

http://forums.tripwireinteractive.com/group.php?groupid=36
MURPHHHHHHHY!!!!

 

[No Glory]

When going with a single pistol, you walk over an empty one and lose all your ammo

 

[nutterbutter]

When going with a single pistol, you walk over an empty one and lose all your ammo

How does that happen?

 

[Deafmute]

- you fight off 2 fleshpounds single handed as a Support Specialist, only to have 2 sirens spawn immediately around the corner and ear rape you.

Story of my life, except as Commando.

 

[Oldih]

-The sharpshooter always spamshoots high priority targets into rage.

-When you think you managed to escape the wipefest a group of crawlers fill pop out from the nearest corner\hole.

-The berserker that was supposed to watch your back suddenly disappears without a trace.

-Teammates will always weld you outside on the most crucial moment.

-Your teammates will never ever give you money when you need it, but expects you to give them some when you're the one with biggest wallet.

-Moving towards the trader well ahead of time will always make you the global specimen magnet.

-The top scoring sharpshooter can't hit the side of a barn after wave 6.

-The best medic on the team isn't one by nature.

-Every player on the server always starts shooting the scarke\FP behind you even when 10 seconds ago they were suddenly AWOL.

-If you give money to someone, everyone suddenly starts running in front of you - even when they have more money than Scrooge McDuck.

-The average skill of players is proportionally inverse to the difficulty level you're playing on.

-The map is always stared when there is only 1-2 players out of 6 after a mapchange.

-The scenario above will always result into a wipe.

-You always fail to notice the clot behind you when you're backpedaling away from a group of enemies.

 

[SMIFF]

-When every spec targets you whilst your trying to kill that idiot m14 spammer.

-You WILL die after you just insulted someone elses KF skills, and they will laugh.....then they will die.

-Ammo boxes wont give you grenades when you actually need one.

-Typically, a crawler will somehow survive a shotgun blast at the worst possible moment.

-A fleshpound will not die, under any circumstances when its within striking distance if your a support specialist.

 

[YFGHNG]

This thread is win!

 

[HaTeMe]

-When playing as commando, stalker squads always come when you are reloading.

THIS HAPPENS SO ****ING OFTEN

-You always throw your grenades at screaming sirens.

This too, I dont know HOW I always throw that one grenade when I see a siren... Its like a bad habbit which you just cant get rid of.

-You'll find an armor vest right after you buy one.

And this happens painfully often on suicidal, when armor spawns are extremely rare thing.

-The LAW is designed to kill it's user, regardless of Perk level.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Agreed.

 

[freef]

-now that you actually got the drive to level your commando everyone on your team decides to level their Demo perk

-requesting cover so you can kill stalkers will cause one of two things to happen: Stalkers will stop spawning, or your team will vanish, as if by magic.

-As a support you get a good line on 20 Zeds in a hall only to have your shot blocked by a SS or medic...who manage to survive and get mad when you don't heal them.

-When you try to show the SS-nub how his role best serves the team everyone goes Demos and you can't see more than six inches from your face at any point in the game.

-When you die from a FP that you solo'd (and could have sworn your team was JUST behind you) the medic kills it AND the Scrake behind it with his MP7M...then the SS comes over to clear the clots and stalkers.

-Games start on Wave2...

-If you try to be helpful\courteous\selfless you are the only one on the server doing so (I think there might be a hard-coded quota..).

 

[Man And A Half]

The Berzerker will block every bullet and dodge every healing dart. This is especially annoying since he takes the most damage and most of the Medic's attention.

The Berzerker will run up the stairs to snap up all the kills, until a Fleshpound comes along and he runs away to leave you to deal with it.

The Berzerker will never try to shoot the Crawlers before closing into melee, either relying on his teammates to shoot them or swinging 2-3 times to hit each one.

There will always be someone wanting to play a Berzerker.

The Demoman will spam his nades at things that you're trying to snipe.

If your Handcannon is out of ammo, pressing "2" will go to it anyways. Hint hint, TWI.

If the Fleshpound is one hundred yards away, you will always blow his head off on the first shot. If it is ten yards away, the shot will always register as a torso hit if he's square to you, shoulder hit if he's not.

The team will always choose the worst locations to defend, out of unspoken consensus. Either that, or they run off willy-nilly from the trader and die.

If you try to organize the team, one person will follow you immediately, two will follow you after some time but will get killed en route, two won't listen at all and get killed, and you and your companion will get killed.

If you donate money to a latejoiner, he will buy an expensive weapon and die with his syringe out.

Pipebombs will detonate when three Clots get within ten yards. They will fail to detonate when Fleshpounds step on them.

The accuracy of the Husk is inversely proportional to the health of his target.

Whenever you join at the beginning of the Patriarch round and wait patiently for it to end, win or lose everyone will quit the server when it's over.

 

[YFGHNG]

The Berzerker will run up the stairs to snap up all the kills, until a Fleshpound comes along and he runs away to leave you to deal with it.

Lol. I was just playing on a KF-doom map with a completely idiot team. It was Pound on Beginner.

A full 6 man team, 2 didn't know how to buy armor, 4/6 were demos, but didn't set any pipes. I was the one left setting pipes in choke points, and I was the zerker. More often than not, each demo unloaded a full 6 rounds of nades into 1 FP. The last person was a medic. And he didn't bother to heal anyone but himself. Medic also thought spamming dual 9mm (not Deagles, mind you, but 9mm, the one you start with), would work well against fp's. By the end I was just like "**** it, if you want to obscure my vision and have the fp go after you, fine. I'm hiding in a corner."

Thus it happened. The one round I decided to do so, 3 members died. From their own pipes, because they place them willy-nilly, forgetting that's the most common cause of death of demos.