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Book recc

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NoxNoctum

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Jun 15, 2007
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#1
I know that a significant portion of the gaming population are super insecure types that freeze up around girls so I thought I'd toss out a book recommendation that changed and is still changing my life.

"Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. Not cheezy self help, it's actually very dense (one of those books you have to re-read sentences to fully understand the meaning).

Check it out if you're one of those. I know I was.
:IS2:

EDIT: Quick addendum. Try brutal honesty for a week and see if you feel dramatically different. This isn't mentioned a whole lot in the book but that combined with the book (I'm still reading it actually, only 1/3 the way through... this "change" is happening almost overnight) for me was dynamite, almost literally.

What I mean? When you pass that person in the hallway who says "How ya doing?", you know, the typical meaningless greeting, and you feel like **** cause you're depressed and alone and never had a girl say "I feel ****ing horrible". It'll trip people out and you'll get a good laugh. Girls love honesty more than anything else. It's kinda that and confidence in combination that makes you superman in "da club" or whatever.

I swear I walked up to a cutie (only an 8, but it was a small bar and she was the best in there :p) one night after focusing really hard on all my negative emotions (discussed in the book), walked up to her, and said exactly what I was feeling "You're making me nervous". She cracked up, and instantly I went into pimp mode.

Try it. Course I'm not doing this for a week, it's for life for me now.

Brutal honesty = you become a badass.
 
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#7
That reminds me of this ->
Ninjas,-Jedis-and-Lonely-Nerds.png
 
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#12
This thread reminds me of Penn & Teller from last week...

If you need a good book read "Watership Down" or "Steppenwolf"

But on topic...if you aim for "more" self confidence don't avoid situations that are labeled "embarrassing".
Only experience can teach you what works and what doesn't...

And "pimp mode" sounds stupid...
 
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#13
Dont think you get it, it's not like learning a skill, like learning how to ride a bike or learning how to fly an F-15 with all the steps involved.

If you're mentally healthy, it's AUTOMATIC. If you're not, you're automatically a huge boat of FAIL.

Replace "pimp mode" with whatever suits you. I think you know what I meant by it. "Playa mode", "James Bonde mode" "Not sucking with girls mode"... :p

Believe me, I know all about "experience", I went clubbing for a year straight in San Francisco and LA, 3-4 nights a week with a pal. Probably hit on close to 3000 girls if I do the math, because we both wanted to get over this. And not average looking chicks, both those cities are loaded to the brim with gigantic clubs with loads of hotties. And we weren't pussyfooting around either, I frequently was on the edge of getting into fights because some douchebag would try to cut in. (if you've ever been to a club, the hottest girls are surrounded by dudes and their fat chick cockblocking friends) That did not help (sure I got makeouts and **** occasionally but it wasn't doing anything to decrease the self loathing that was biting me in the ***). I've done some of the most humiliating stuff possible in an effort to beat this but it was all in vain. So I know what I'm talking about here.

I don't know where you are personally Blacklabel, but if you're a confident dude, then you really can't give advice to people who aren't, because you have no idea what's going on inside their head. I do, because I lived through it. And if you aren't (confident), then you need to shut the **** up and listen to what I'm saying. Or don't, do whatever the hell you want. Don't take that as a personal assault though... I'm just being honest ;)
 
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#14
Everyone goes through phases of inconcistency regarding their self-respect ect. Maybe you stop searching and let it flow ? It souns like you try to force something here. Clubs are the worst place to meet good girls anyways. Everytime a women really touched my heart i kinda meet her on accident, totaly unexpected, random occasions.

I for one dont like overdressed , overpainted girls while a friend of mine tries to hit exactly those...he is not happy at all, sure he scores here and there but he is searching for something for his heart...;)
 
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#16
BlackLabel said:
Everyone goes through phases of inconcistency regarding their self-respect ect. Maybe you stop searching and let it flow ? It souns like you try to force something here. Clubs are the worst place to meet good girls anyways. Everytime a women really touched my heart i kinda meet her on accident, totaly unexpected, random occasions.

I for one dont like overdressed , overpainted girls while a friend of mine tries to hit exactly those...he is not happy at all, sure he scores here and there but he is searching for something for his heart...;)
Click to expand...

Well that's exactly what I said, I said that was the WRONG approach, least for me. Glad we agree.

Though the hottest girls are still to be found in Los Angeles. If you don't want to meet them at a club, just head to this giant mall they have.

That said, there are hot spots of Europe that are equally full of 9s and 10s. (trying to be as shallow as possible here)
 
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#17
Fedorov said:
...but I'm stuck in the next one, the "Ok, say something, she is getting bored, but please don't tell her about what you did in Red Orchestra last night" phase
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The trick is to not let it get to that point in the first place, allways be inquisitive, ask questions about the subject she's discussing (even if it's just something like "So what did you do then?", just keep the conversation flowing), and whenever she strikes a subject you can relate to, that's something you can work with, and offer insights on or anecdotes about, and invite questions yourself, questions are easy, they just need an answer, it's pointless smalltalk that's hard.

And if it all goes tits up, and your mind keeps drawing a blank, then play the honesty card, if you keep silent she'll either assume you are not interested in her, or that you're incredibibly boring, both of thease are death and should be avoided at all costs, and thus it is better to explain your silence, just be honest and say something like "i'm beeing a bit quiet aren't i? heh, i tend to get a little shy on first dates sometimes" (though make sure you deliver that one in a "i have identified a problem and will now make an effort to correct it" sort of way, rather than a selfdestructive "i'm sorry that i suck" kind of way, never do that!), play it right and you can even score lots of "Awww, isen't he cute" points for that, and regardless, you can't do much worse than "he's boring or he doesen't like me" anyway.
 
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#18
Grobut said:
The trick is to not let it get to that point in the first place, allways be inquisitive, ask questions about the subject she's discussing (even if it's just something like "So what did you do then?", just keep the conversation flowing), and whenever she strikes a subject you can relate to, that's something you can work with, and offer insights on or anecdotes about, and invite questions yourself, questions are easy, they just need an answer, it's pointless smalltalk that's hard.

And if it all goes tits up, and your mind keeps drawing a blank, then play the honesty card, if you keep silent she'll either assume you are not interested in her, or that you're incredibibly boring, both of thease are death and should be avoided at all costs, and thus it is better to explain your silence, just be honest and say something like "i'm beeing a bit quiet aren't i? heh, i tend to get a little shy on first dates sometimes" (though make sure you deliver that one in a "i have identified a problem and will now make an effort to correct it" sort of way, rather than a selfdestructive "i'm sorry that i suck" kind of way, never do that!), play it right and you can even score lots of "Awww, isen't he cute" points for that, and regardless, you can't do much worse than "he's boring or he doesen't like me" anyway.
Click to expand...

See this is where I gotta totally disagree. But not disrespecting you, so don't take it personally.

I think if you don't feel like talking DONT ****ING TALK. Girls are reactive as hell to anything a dude does. So if you just sit there and are comfortable with the silence (read the book+brutal honesty you'll learn how), SHE will try to start getting you to talk. I say let her make the effort, why wear yourself out. Got enough bull**** going on in my life at least to not have to be thinking about small talk on dates.

I knew a dude once who would literally just stare at a girl he liked (wherever he was, mall, restaraunt, club), until she made eye contact. He just held it till she came over and started flirting with him. Try to do that if you're insecure and you're a creep. Do it with confidence and you're a ****ing rockstar.
 
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